I've recently told you why I started online dating, about my first online date, and how online dating has given me more self confidence. Dating is exhausting, especially if you're an introvert like myself. It's also really fun if you appreciate the human condition, as I do.
I suffer from the human condition, and I've more than once realized that I was the annoying, weirdo that some poor chap got stuck across a table from for a few hours.
These were actually great experiences in hind site, because I was able to look back on opposite scenarios with more compassion. Just because a guy didn't have an "on night," doesn't mean he's a total loser. We likely just didn't connect well.
Or he didn't get enough sleep.
Or he had too much coffee.
Or he had too much on his plate to properly ground himself for a good conversation.
Or we simply weren't meant to fall madly in love, save the world, and make an army of Waldorf babies.
Only a small percentage of men in this world (or island that I reside upon), qualify to seek my good favor as a personal prince charming/cabana boy.
The shocker is that I might not meet their expectations or desires. This means that dating needs to be an open minded endeavor with a goal to have fun, great conversations, and a willingness to change and grow.
I've learned to judge less:
Nobody is perfect. Life is hard, really hard. Everyone has struggle, everyone wonders if they're "doing it right."
Why do we go on dates with an expectation to be impressed? As if we have it all together and this random person should present themselves as a successful and happy go lucky virgin to the woes of the world? Dates should be about showing up as yourself. If you don't feel safe dropping your peacock feathers, or are put off when someone is too honest, consider what makes you so uncomfortable with authenticity.
The staged production of reality television and the age of social media has us all so busy marketing ourselves that we don't feel comfortable simply being, or allowing others to simply be.
When we're comfortable with ourselves, and striving to grow, we'll naturally reveal ourselves slowly and continuously, just as that old onion metaphor goes.
I've learned to appreciate people more.
When you remove expectations from the first few dates beyond conversation, and being in the moment, you remove the need to judge. You get to have a conversation with someone different than yourself, and possibly different than your entire social circle. Someone who may have an entirely different sense of reality.
This may not be what I'm looking for romantically, but in life, I love mixing things up! Talking to new people is good for you. You learn new perspectives, you learn about different reading material, you learn about different hobbies; you get new ideas.
Judging less and appreciating more, has made me a more content and comfortable person.
Can you identify? Tell me how you've learned to judge less and appreciate more!
Thanks for reading, make great choices. :)