10 Signs Your Breakdown Is A Breakthrough Waiting To Happen

You know those times when it seems like everything you've been working toward is failing miserably? It's as if your feelings seem to be amplified through millions of molecule sized megaphones?

As a full time new mom, and a full time owner of two new businesses, I'm still in the learning phase of balancing both parts of myself. Both separately, and together.

This time last week I had ALL the feelings imaginable. (Actually lots of people were feeling that new moon).

I felt like I was a total failure, headed down a steep path to ALL the failure in the universe.

I had suddenly come to the end of my ability to hold my sh** together in its gracefully decorated package: Me - showered, dressed, and hustling hard with a baby on my hip and a smile on my face. I didn't even realize how much I'd been feeling deep inside, for so long, until I began exploding words all overy my handsome boyfriend. Like a hero, he calmly listened to me release all of the things that weren't working.

Then, together we created a plan that would work. I needed regular, uninterrupted work hours, and we found a way to carve them out of the schedule for me.

What he and I both know is that feelings don't define reality. How you respond to feelings is what shapes your reality. I had a choice: celebrate misery, or build a logical path to guide my emotional state to peace.

I bought a big family calendar and filled it in. We took action together to create more clarity around what was not working, and what will work as we move forward in this crazy dance called life.

Below is my list of ways you can tell that you're on a break-through path, rather than being stuck in a paralyzing breakdown.

1. You can see how fear has been holding back a truth that needs to escape for your sanity. You are willing to face that fear head on.

2. You can trace the winding trail of feelings deep within you, back to love and self protection.

3. You may hate being in the thick of it, but you know you must make your way through the ugly in order to put yourself in a new place.

4. You are ready and willing to let go of old habits and “normals.”

5. You are ready and willing to dive into the unknown.

6. The list of what’s not working is pouring out of you like the influenza.

7. You find yourself craving with your whole being to write the opposing list of what it is you need, and what will work.

8. You genuinely want to free yourself more than you want to wake up each day living the comfortable norm that you’re drowning in.

9. You already started writing those lists, so you can carve out the time and energy you need moving forward.

10. You come back to your breath, love, and forgiveness. Letting go of hurt and anger, so the past can transform into the energy of strength, and the future can unfold from the embodiment of purity and grace.

If you made it through the list and it sounds amazing to be able to find the breakthrough in your breakdowns, but you're not sure how to navigate it on your own, click here. Sign up for your free Initial Consultation today.

Every challenge in your life (mine too), is an opportunity for change and growth. What we see, and how we handle everything comes down to perspective and choice. I would love to coach you as you begin your big shift in perspective.

You are worthy of love and abundance. I'm here to help you believe it so much you live it effortlessly.

Thanks for reading, make good choices, & talk soon! :)

Like what you read? Tell me in the comments!

Your Body Is Not A Prison

You are not a prisoner of your body.

Media and advertising would have you believing you are. Actually, convincing you of the imaginary wall called, “your body’s shortcomings,” is a multi-billion dollar industry. You may even work in advertising and still fall prey to the ever present message that you are lacking. Miserably.

You are not a prisoner of your body. You are not defined by your body. You are the life inside your body. If there’s anything that can be learned from the flower growing in the cracked concrete, it’s that life doesn’t accept imperfection and difficulty as an end all boundary. Rather, life seeks and finds the route that leads to opportunity and growth.

The walls of your body, your skin, and your limitations are obstacles specifically designed to be overcome by you. You are meant to find the crack.

You are meant to embrace who you are and what you have. Fully. Deeply. Genuinely.

Make friends with your Self.

You’ll start to realize that what you lack cannot be bought. What you lack is not perfection. What you lack isn't even in the magazines.

The feeling of lacking comes from a deep need to connect with the Self, and to give from this pure place. To contribute meaningfully to society, and ultimately, to feel like you matter.

Making friends with your Self will dramatically change your expectations from your body. You will find that your body has likely been trying to speak to you for years about your truth.

Making friends with your Self doesn’t mean all your limitations melt away. It’s your perspective that melts into a new mold.

Your limitations, your pain, and your walls illuminate your greatest gifts once you find the right angle. It's from this angle that you'll see how you can really make a difference to those around you. This is where you'll find your path to passion, purpose, and belonging.

You are not a prisoner of your body.

Whatever your supposed flaw, however difficult the obstacle, the prison is in the mind.

The mind is the one who buys into the media. The mind is the one who decorates the merry-go-round of anxiety with webs of lies. The mind is the one who celebrates wallowing at the base of imaginary walls.

The mind is like the big brother who is not mature enough to be left in charge of the younger kids.

How does one escape? By deciding to overthrow the negative navigation of the mind. You escape when you decide to rebuild the pathways with heart based intentions - funded (of course) by taxes on the mind's wasteful use of anxiety.

Retrain your pathways with:

Breath, words of love, compassion, and friendship to your Self.

Assume your burdens, or symptoms are a conversations stemming from a place of love. "What is my body trying to teach me?" Ask yourself this question. Breath into it. Let it go, and refocus yourself on love several times a day. This creates a pathway for opportunity and growth - whereas, the mind tends to accept symptoms as a concrete slab.

Speak love into yourself until you know that your life is love. This may take weeks, months, or even years to fully set in. Start the conversation anyway.

This is how you set your Self free. This is how you learn to appreciate your body. This is how you can more fully embrace this life.

Your body: your friend, your teacher, your teammate =  your freedom.

This is not always an easy to go alone. If you want support in your journey to retrain the mind, visit my Consultations Tab for your free Initial Consultation. Underneath your obstacles, you'll find your greatest truth and joy. Let's uncover them!

Thanks for reading. Make loving choices. :)

Identify? Like this message? Leave a comment, and feel free to share!

This Conversation Will Actually Boost Your Metabolism!

Have you ever noticed that the exact millisecond you decide it's time to take control of your life and "eat healthy," you suddenly HAVE to have all your favorite foods like RIGHT NOW? Scarcity mindset can morph you into a stage 5 clinger (even... no especially to - food) if you're not careful.

How do you overcome this feeling that all will be lost if you choose a salad just this once? The answer is simple. Logic. Start holding this logical conversation with yourself every time you reach for a snack or meal. By simply asking yourself a few questions, you may find that you're not hungry, so much as you just need to drink some water, or get outside for some fresh air and change of scenery.

To begin, sit down and take 7 - 10 deep, slow breaths. When you've met yourself in the present moment, make your way through these questions. Be honest - you'll know if you're fibbing.

1. Am I actually hungry?

2. What’s the vitamin and mineral content in this snack/meal?

3. How much progress have I made on my hydration goal today? *You're aiming for 1/2 your body weight in ounces, right? That's what I thought... go fill up. ;)

4. Am I bored?

5. Am I looking for a distraction or an escape?

6. Am I stressed out?

7. How will I feel after eating this? Energetic, tired, bloated, guilty, satiated...?

8. How does this snack/meal benefit my bigger goals?

9. Do I have any preconceived judgements about this food? Do I innately believe that this is a "good" or "bad" food?

10. Am I at complete peace with where this food came from, and how it will nourish me? Am I secretly shaming myself?

11. Do I love this bite? Do I love this seventh bite?

12. Do I need to finish this to feel perfectly content? Or, will I be happy see someone else enjoy the rest, or to save some for later?

This quick and easy check in with yourself will help you identify:

• If food is really what you want in this moment.

• If you're eating for the wrong reasons and/or sabotaging your goals.

• If you're giving yourself a stress response by harboring mixed feelings about what you're eating.

• When you're satiated/satisfied and it's time to move on.

When we are not at peace with what we choose to eat, we induce an innate stress response that slows digestion, makes it difficult to assimilate nutrients, and ultimately hinders our metabolic ability.

Do you like the sound of that? I didn't think so. Choose to be at peace with how you nourish your body and morale. It's okay to indulge, especially when you're truly letting yourself enjoy it!

If you find this post useful, please share it with a friend or 900 (give or take) who may enjoy the mindset shift as well. :)

If you have questions about what steps to take to develop more peace in your relationship with food, check out my consultation page to schedule a free Initial consultation and find out how Life & Nutrition Coaching can help you reach your goals. 

Thanks for reading, make peaceful choices. :)

"I’m Not Racist, But…"

I’m not racist,

but I used to be.

 

I’m not racist,  but unfortunately I am racially and culturally ignorant. Recognizing the difference means I try to keep my ears more open and my mouth more shut.

I grew up in a predominantly white town. Any given year, there were (I think) fewer than ten kids belonging to racial minorities in the whole high school.

Except for the Mexican students. We had quite few Mexican students, but they didn’t seem like regular students. They kept to themselves. Looking back I guess the real separation was based solely on language and culture. We all tend to find comfort and community in what seems familiar.

I was an ESL aid for a few semesters. I never thought I was racist. I chose to be an aid in that class, but…

There was a but.

I was different.

This was the first experience in my life where I was the minority. It felt weird at first.

I was there to help with language related homework, but soon many of my peers were patiently helping me with my Spanish homework. Over time friendships grew and I always looked forward to that class. It was fun. It was comfortable. I liked the way the language barrier kept me present in conversation. I had to focus harder to communicate in simpler ways, and that somehow made the connections more sweet.

One day we were having a party in class and I was blown away by everyone’s efforts to make me feel included. I told the group how thankful I was to be so warmly included, and I’ll never forget what Cesar said back to me,

“Of course we want to include you. We all know what it feels like to be the different one.”

I’m so glad he said that to me. He humanized both of us in that moment. Now that I’m thinking about it, that might be the single most important thing anyone said to me in high school.

After that party I felt like they were my friends, but there was an invisible line I didn’t know how to cross. Most of these students ate lunch down the hall from me. Sometimes they’d walk by me and smile, and I’d smile and wave back.

But:

They never invited me to eat with them.

I never asked if I could join them.

I never asked them to join me.

What I failed to realize is that outside of that one classroom where I was the minority, I was not the minority.

I should have offered my friends the same warmth and inclusion that they offered me, but I didn’t. At the time, I didn’t know how. I didn’t know that my non-action was an action. "They kept to themselves" because I didn't invite them into my other social circles.

There are countless ways I can muddle this story with my own insecurities and social anxieties, but I know deep down that I should have done better.

A few years ago, a younger sibling described her parallel experience to me. We were both overwhelmed with guilt for going along with the social rules we were familiar with rather than acting unabashedly from a place of love and humanness.

Acknowledging our shortcomings is the gift that will allow us to behave more responsibly moving forward.

I am still probably racist.

Not consciously, and definitely from a place of ignorance rather than aggression, but I am guilty. Ignorance is not an excuse, or something to brag about. There is so much about culture, religion, and politics that I simply don’t know. Pretending to know would be a lie, and when you live in a lie you have to hustle harder to defend that lie.

I choose love. I choose to learn. I choose openness. I choose compassion.

Change in this country and on Earth, will not happen if we all refuse to own our ugly moments. The thing about ignorance is that by definition, you don’t know something. So as you learn, acknowledge your history of ignorance. Your past does not define you. The present moment does.

So choose to learn daily. Choose to connect better with yourself in order to connect with the people around you. Choose to forgive your past as you move forward.

Think of those moments where you've felt different, and choose not to make anyone else feel that way.

Choose inclusion. We are all human, and deserving of love.

Thank you for reading! Identify? Like my message? Please share. :)

Make good choices :)

Through Myself, To My Self - Reclined Hero

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken." ~CS Lewis

"Having courage does not mean that we are unafraid. Having courage and showing courage means we face our fears. We are able to say, 'I have fallen, but I will get up.'" ~Maya Angelou

"Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change." ~Brene Brown

It's no small wonder this posture is called Reclined Hero. This posture is a brave display of vulnerability. No one over the age of seven, and in their right mind, would throw themselves into such a shape without great care. It takes a certain amount of time and a purposeful set of steps to get into -- and out of. Once you're in, you're vulnerable - physically and energetically.

To be vulnerable is to be courageous. Somehow in our society, we've lost touch with that concept. To be vulnerable in this posture is to sit in stillness with an open heart, while completely defenseless to outside elements. Our culture doesn't teach us this. Our culture trains us to avoid this at all costs:

To always be busy.

To always have background noise.

To always have an escape plan.

To buy your way out of discomfort.

To invest in the latest.

To peacock bigger.

To speak first.

To be strongest.

To fake it until you make it.

These are not all horrible or entirely damaging rules, but they aren't genuine to Self constructs either. You cannot be your Self if you're busy being several other things on the way.

There is no "on the way." There is here, and there is now.

The reclined hero is reminder to settle into the moment:

To choose stillness.

To chose quiet.

To create freedom from the inside out.

To own my feelings.

To invest in who I already am.

To know I am enough as I am.

To listen with intent to understand.

To know I have the strength I need.

To know that I am not, what I am not.

There is so much instability and ugliness happening not just in this country, but in the entire world. If we are all afraid to sit with ourselves and our own personal battles, how will we ever find peace? There will be no change in this world without transformation within each of us.

We can all always become better, and the solution is the most simple thing.

The solution is to simply be you. To simply be love.

Not kind, not generous, not something else -- you don't even have to create it. You just have to be love, and the rest will take care of itself.

That is vulnerable.

That is courage.

That is heroic.

"The best way out is always through." ~Robert Frost

I'm learning more and more, that the way to reach the things I've been grabbing for, is to simply be myself. To work through my feelings with a willingness to feel and an earnest desire to learn, to grow, and to expand.

Through myself, to my Self.

Thanks for reading, make quiet choices. :)

What do you think??? Lmk!

To Love Your Self is Everything

A few nights ago I gave the girls I nanny two small triangles of watermelon each for dessert. I felt the serving was a bit modest and assumed they’d both demand more. The rationed servings were really just my selfish attempt at inducing scarcity mindset in the girls. The third slice can make a world of difference regarding whether or not dessert becomes a highly esteemed event, or, dispensable art supplies.

You can imagine my surprise when the 3 year old squealed with delight, “Auntie Natalie, why did you give us two watermelons?”

I put on a tone like I thought the serving was generous too, and told her that of course it’s because I love them so much. When I grabbed two triangles for myself she asked why I gave myself two slices. I answered with a wink,

“Because I love myself.”

She tossed her head back for a full, hearty chuckle - then with the same playful tone usually reserved for “Silly Auntie Natalie,” she singsonged,

“you can’t love yourself!”

I was struck. It only then occurred to me that though I often tell both girls to think of all the people who love them, and all the people they love, I have not thought to specify including themselves. *Apply palm to face... nanny fail.

They are young, and pure, and joyful. Their sugar and spice runneth over like a hippopotamus in a bathtub. I figured they loved themselves innately; that self erosion, insecurity, and fear were later learned (or projected) traits that wouldn't require tending for a great while longer.

In three seconds I had about 4 million thoughts, and realized whether or not self love is innate, every precious person on this earth can benefit from understanding gratitude and energetic abundance. Even if children do fully love themselves, teaching the articulation and good habits to sustain that positive relationship with the Self can be —

everything.

Finally my thought train pulled back into the station, and I responded,

“Oh yes I can love myself! And you can love yourself. And you should love yourself!”

I asked her if she did anything that day that she enjoyed, like swinging, or sliding, or teeter-tottering. She said she had, so I asked if she thanked her body for letting her have all that fun.

She got really quiet as she thought about this concept. I explained that it is a gift to have a body that takes us from place to place, and hands and feet that walk, and grab, and play, and do - as we please.

I tell my yoga class all the time to look in the mirror and spend a few quiet moments honoring and celebrating their incredible bodies, and the unique life that lives inside.

But.

I don’t do it enough for myself. I love guiding others in it because I know how powerful it is to love and appreciate yourself.

But I don’t do it enough for myself.

Today, that changes. Today I will sit in quiet and appreciate:

My hands and feet that go and do.
My guts and organs that selflessly toil.
The health that I have.
The strength that I have.
And lastly, I will take a few moments to honor as a whole, the way that I look. My image.

This body isn’t me, but it is my home for this life.

I am thankful for this body.

Flaws and all — It’s been with me through every chapter. All of my physical flaws and hardships, have proven to be illuminating both inside my Self, and outside in the world.

It’s like every closed door; everything that has made me different, insecure, and unlikable, has opened four windows to something greater.

Loving myself is the only way I can truly see past myself.

This is your permission to steal yourself away from whatever you're doing and find a place to create quiet within you. Breathe, and cry, and smile. No matter what you're going through right now, find something (anything) you love about yourself, and breathe into it. Really - fully - breathe into it.

Notice how celebrating yourself sets you free from the inside out. Rinse - repeat.

What do you think? Does this resonate? Tell me about it... :)

More to come. Thanks for reading, make kind choices. :)

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Time To Jump!

Powerful pose was one of my least favorite poses until about a year ago - when I realized its power.

I was brainstorming about imagery, metaphorical meanings, and energetic flow of postures when I had one of those epic light-bulb moments. I always thought powerful pose lacked elegance. I didn't think it was pretty or comfortable, so I never gave it much respect until I realized how similar the stance is to the a position I practiced moving through millions of times as a child. Powerful pose is the "potential energy position" right before jumping into a back-hand-spring. If I'm being honest, it's the "potential energy pose" right before I would jump backwards onto my head and sort of flail-bounce to my knees or feet. ;)

Powerful pose is a manifestation of energy. Feet fully grounded to the biofield of the Earth, legs full of strength (and building strength), heart center and open palms reaching upwards, and the gaze fixed on the infinite possibilities of the universe.

This posture has become an inspiration for me... a place to decidedly reinforce positive pathways in my mind and body, and let my qi flow freely. I'm on a precipice right now. I'm about to jump into the life I've always wanted. I'm about to jump into my Self. And I'm scared.

You see, I'm realizing how often I sell myself short. I've been mentally cock-blocking my greatest potential for several years now. Deep down it's hard to believe that my most innate qualities are exactly what I'm meant to share. How can it be that simple? It has to be harder than just following my heart, right? Why do we tend to discount our greatest gifts? When does humility become insecurity? When do we start hiding behind self imposed stipulations based on fear?

Don't I have to be ten other things first? If I prove myself in these ten other ways, then I'll feel confident to step forward...

When my house is clean, I'll be ready.

When I lose 10 pounds, I'll be confident.

When I get my PhD, I'll be worth hearing.

When I am perfect, life will fall into place.

When the door opens for me, I'll close this door I'm standing in...

I think I'm not alone in this battle, and that's what I'm loving about Utkatasana right now. Sometimes you have to step back and honor the strength, power, and potential you've already developed, while decidedly opening yourself energetically and emotionally to the unknown - to the current moment that so quickly becomes magnificent future.

I will never be ready. I will never be perfect. My house will never stay clean. Documents are not proof of, or standardized measure intelligence and human worth. Doorways are only for standing in if there's an earthquake.

Now is the time to jump forward. Who's coming? Identify? Tell me about it in the comments! :)

Here's a list of some of my favorite quotes that always light me up:

• “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”-Anais Nin

• "Our job in this lifetime is not to shape ourselves into some ideal we imagine we ought to be, but to find out who we are already, and become it." -Steven Pressfield

• "Yoga is not about touching your toes. It's about unlocking your ideas about what you want, where you think you can go, and what you will achieve when you get there." -Cyndi Lee

• “You are nature. You are already perfect, peaceful, and powerful. You don’t need to become anything. You simply need to remember yourself.”― Vironika Tugaleva

• "Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?” -Danielle Laporte

• "If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.” -John Lennon

• “For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn't understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.”― Cynthia Occelli

• "If you can change your mind, you can change the world. Before you can be creative you must be courageous. Creativity is the destination, but courage is the journey." -Joey Reiman

• “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”― Ralph Waldo Emerson

• "If we are not fully ourselves, truly in the present moment, we miss everything." -Thich Nhat Hanh

• "If you ask me what I came into this life to do, I will tell you: I came to live out loud." -Emile Zola

• "The higher up you go, the more mistakes you are allowed. Right at the top, if you make enough of them, it's considered to be your style." -Fred Astaire

• “I hope you will go out and let stories, that is life, happen to you, and that you will work with these stories... water them with your blood and tears and your laughter till they bloom, till you yourself burst into bloom.”―Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés,

Thanks for reading! What are you jumping for? Make powerful choices. :)

Hydration - Health - & Painless Periods!

It's the second day of my period, and I'm feeling lucky!

Noooooot lucky enough to go on a shark dive, but ummm, I feel pretty pleased with my situation.

Two incredible things have happened to me today.

I was scooping myself some power chocolate pudding (this recipe but with added chia, coconut, and hemp seeds) when I knocked my bowl off the counter (periods make me clumsy). My maternal instincts fired up, my turbo-boost powers auto switched on - my thighs lurched forward to guide the bowl's descent into a stunning 10.0 landing on my stool. The chocolate was unharmed.

Miracle shit.

The second thing is the more important thing, and the reason you know about my moon cycle. The second day of my period is when I experience all the discomfort we associate with periods. A few years ago, I was on a zero sugar (save for veggie sugar) diet. My period symptoms literally disappeared. I only felt a wee bit of pressure down by the (ahem) secret entrance.

Since then, my cramps/pain symptoms have never been as bad as they were before my sugar free diet, but my symptoms did come back as I've tried to fit in socially... eating things I wouldn't if making friends, having interpersonal connections, and sharing laughter weren't a thing. But they are a thing, and in the name of acting totally cool about things like conventional soy sauce in public situations, I've been continuously burdening my body (I'm sensitive to gluten). I knew it was time for a change, but I'd been putting off doing a rigid cleanse. I like eating, and I love freedom.

February first the answer fell straight into the palm of my hand!

Terry Givens was hosting a water challenge starting that day. Accepting the challenge was a no-brainer. I didn't even try to argue with myself, as I had been chronically dehydrated for quite some time:

• I know I never drink the proper amount of water.
• I teach hot yoga.
• I love coffee.
• I love wine.

Dehydration happens. But it's not cool.

I know full well, that when you're dehydrated your body simply cannot function as it's meant to. Dehydration impairs your body's ability to function properly on a basic cellular level. This effects everything! Everything.

For the challenge you're supposed to drink half your body weight in ounces daily for 10 days. Knowing my level of commitment and devotion to certain diuretics, I decided I would drink 80 ounces daily. That's 10 extra ounces of water... but it's a clean finish of two fills of my hydro flask. Health, clarity, and convenience. I'll take it.

I got really bloated the first few days. A tell tale sign of a chronically dehydrated body having to relearn filtering and appropriation. I decided to stick the course not matter what. After day 3 the bloating went down mostly, and I was comfortably drinking my 80 ounces.

Due to the nature of a challenge, my mindset shifted. I had been in the habit of thinking:

• "I'll finish my water later."
• "I'll just have a snack first."
• "I already drank quite a bit, I'm probably okay for now."
• "I'm about to get stuck in an appointment (or fill in your own blank), and I don't want to have an excretion emergency."

I had all kinds of excuses, until I decided to shift my mind.

Setting a goal to finish 80 ounces of water made it a priority. I began reaching for my water before snacking. I quickly realized how often I'd been distracting myself with food when my body was craving water. This felt great, and I noticed some immediate changes:

• My skin was looking healthier.

• My digestion improved drastically.

• I stopped craving empty calorie snacks. Chips are chips are chips. Gluten free is still empty calories.

• I felt satiated.

• My stomach was looking flatter daily.

I felt empowered! Around day 7 a friend asked if I was excited about the end of the 10 day challenge. I looked at him like this:

"WUT?"

Why on earth would I stop drinking the amount of water I'm already supposed to be drinking, especially when it's clearly having a positive impact on my body? I told him I plan to never stop this water challenge. Duh.

You're still wondering why I told you so much about my cycle. There is a reason, and it's not just because I love talking about blood...

It's the end of the second day of my period, and I have had no pain. Zero. Not even pressure. On a scale of 1-10, I have a 0 for menstrual pain.

God bless water. Hydration is happiness. Happiness is a warm gun. Water is a warm gun. Save the world with water guns.

#makeperiodsgreatagain ;)

Did you participate in the challenge? Want to start - or keep going? Talk to me!

Thanks for reading, make hydrating choices. :)

But I Don't Work That Hard Anymore (Perseverance Problems)

I have a friend who always knows when I’m going to contradict or oppose myself. I’ll stop mid thought and she’ll immediately say, “why do I feel a ‘but’ coming on?”

I hate that about her, and I love it. It means she knows me, probably too well. This post has a few of those “buts,” so bear with me as I lay out some current thoughts.

I was on a roll for awhile trying to learn to ollie. I practiced a few times a week for about a month. At the ripe age of 31, I am for all intents and purposes, perfectly capable of succeeding at this basic skate trick.

But.

But it didn’t come easy, and I lost my motivation. Failing isn’t super fun.

It’s also not fun to fail over and over again during my few and precious hours of time off. Time off should be spent charging my biofield with my feet in the sand or being actually productive right?

Well yeah, sure. That’s one truth.

I consider myself to be a person who has challenged many of my fears. I’ve stepped out of many of the boxes I used to find comfortable identity in. I’ve been pretty bold in following my gut and taking my own non-traditional path.

But.

I’ve really only faced safe-ish fears.

My highest Self was never comfortable in those boxes. They were just familiar.

This path always felt natural.

I haven’t actually faced my biggest fears.

Here’s where I’m wrong about ollies, and practice, and failure:

I haven’t made myself an absolute beginner at anything for at least ten years.

When we are young, life is new. We are beginners at everything.

As a child I overcame failure on a daily basis. Sometimes that failure came with tears. Sometimes it came with smiles. Sometimes I succeeded and celebrated and shouted with joy! I probably demanded that a sibling or any proximal warm bodied entity "watch what I could do."  Then immediately moved on to the next goal; only to begin failing again.

This is a huge and incredibly important part of childhood.

Every adult skill we boast was learned at some point. We tend to take these skills for granted. We forget how hard we worked.

I don’t work as hard for myself anymore.

I don’t feel as resilient. The only brain I have, now resides a few feet higher off the ground than it used to, and I have developed a healthy level of respect for gravity.

Many of the tricks I learned as a child or teen are deeply engrained in my brain and muscle memory:

• Reading
• Writing
• Speaking
• Walking
• Running
• Cartwheels
• Backhandsprings
• rollerblading
• bike riding
• adding
• subtracting
• multiplying
• etc…

All of these skills took time, practice, and failure before the sweet taste of success. All of these skills have felt easy and natural ever since I stopped failing at them.

But.

I don’t work that hard anymore, and that is why learning to ollie... err... failing to ollie is time well spent.

I'm realizing that in a way, I've been quite lazily riding out the strength of mind I developed in my youth. This is fine, and probably a regular and natural human occurrence as we transition into adulthood and start taking on more serious responsibilities; like working, paying bills, working out, and tidying up, so we can extend time and freedom to our children to play, fail, learn, and grow.

I want more than that. Life has to be more than that. So I will play, and practice, and fail. I will build up my resilience.

Persevering through failure builds strength of spirit.

When I can take failure in stride, then I can face and conquer my real fears.

That is when I'll be free. That is when I'll be "live streaming" my infinite potential. ;)

What do you think? Can you identify?

How are you strengthening your resilience?

Share your story, or struggle, or fear in the comments. Let's get our chatter on!

Love it?? Share it!

Thanks for reading, make strengthening choices! :)

So Perfect For Each Other We Should Skip Friendship & Name Our Babies Already

I once dated a man — we’ll call him Charles — who boasted clever looking round glasses, good coloring, enviable height, and a love of comic books and documentaries. To top all of that, he also possessed a world class, five star, Olympic grade hummus recipe. I enjoyed Charles’ company just fine... He was a great deal smarter than my previous flame, so I basked in his radiating intelligence. Something was missing though. Our interactions felt forced and Intimacy felt inorganic at best. When I tried to talk about it he swiftly shoved the topic aside claiming that we were perfect for each other, and that was that.

He appeared to be an excellent match on paper. There was nothing logically wrong with him, but I had a relentless itch to run away and never look back.. We had been dating a little under two months when my birthday rolled around. He made me a delicious dairy free, gluten free, refined sugar free meal; rich in omega 3 fatty acids and brimming with nutrients. Just the way I like it.

I felt like a princess until he handed me my birthday gift.

I unrolled the paper he handed me and saw my likeness in drawn in charcoal. To draw my face was an incredibly sweet gesture, but it made me feel creeped out. It seemed too intimate for the short amount of time we’d been dating. He knew what I looked like, but I felt instinctively that the knowledge of my face - the strokes of charcoal in creating my likeness were unearned.

To appreciate my image is not the same as appreciating me.

I backed out of that relationship in a pretty harsh way, which I regret because kindness is cool, and because he refused to give me that gal-darn hummus recipe.

True intimacy dives deeper than the physical and tangible.

Two people may have a very strong draw to one another on an energetic level that makes one or both parties feel almost panicked about solidifying connection.

This is what happened to me when I met Daniel. He is absolutely, one hundred percent, one of my soul mates. Meaning we were always meant to learn from each other. Love, chemistry, and connection are not elements easily broken down, let alone explained as we grow up. It’s all something of a mystery, but I’m starting to realize some essential ways of maneuvering on my quest to find this crazy little thing called love.

1. Take time to learn each other's details through a "no pressure" friendship.
2. Chemistry does not disappear. It grows.
3. Cultivate it.
4. Savor the tension it creates. Dating is a dance; a very awkward but incredibly fun dance.
5. Have fun. We all want to enjoy life. We want to share our life - and build a family with the sort of person who can make a trip to the DMV seem like an Adventure/Comedy.
6. Labels don't make a relationship.
7. The relationship is what defines a relationship.

When I threw my fit about harvesting Kalo together and taking adorable muddy pictures, the irony is that we were only about two months into the relationship... the same amount of time as when I felt that Charles was assuming more than I could give.

Regardless of what he was capable of or willing to offer me through a label, Daniel was still inviting me to have a great time with him. He still wanted to learn about me and enjoy my company.

Instead of living in the moment learning Daniel's details, the message I conveyed was: “you’re not blindly in love with me fast enough and so I’m not going to have fun anymore!”

My outburst solidified his notion that I had expectations he couldn't meet. I squelched his attempt at genuinely investing in me on a basic level.

What are your thoughts? Can you identify similar patterns in your life? Please comment.. and if you like my message, please share it!

Thanks for reading, have fun out there! :)

More to come!

Relationships & Cycles

I was talking about relationships with a close friend a few years my senior, when she pointed out that there was one major difference between her girlfriends who were (happily) married, and her girlfriends still stuck in the lonesome trenches we commonly refer to as dating.

She noted that the friends who were in unhappy relationship cycles had been riding the same Ferris wheel for decades. They went after the same kinds of men, and allowed the same negativity into their lives.

"At some point in life you have to identify your negative cycles and decidedly change them." ~K

This concept woke me up. As I looked internally to identify my own patterns, a few tendencies became apparent. Sticking with the topic at hand, here's how I chose to grow past the Daniel cycle:

I don't want to bore you with my dirtiest laundry, so I'll attempt to lay this out with the speed and grace of professional band-aid puller offer (yes, that's the technical term).

Daniel and I kept this predictable cycle for a year and a half:

Enjoy friendship,
fight,
take time apart,
talk,
make up,
enjoy friendship,
fight,
take time apart,
talk,
make up,
apply liberally, rinse, repeat...

At first the fights were directly linked to my insecurity, but as I became more comfortable accepting his friendship at face value, he became less comfortable with the depth of our conversations. Any time we shared an emotional connection, anger and aggression weren't far behind. This was confusing for me because he would so enthusiastically dive into subjects of the heart - ego - and Self.

I could speculate day and night about why this was a trigger for him...  and oh boy do I have speculations aplenty! But they are of no consequence, as they will never evoke the truth only he knows.

I became good at misleading myself. This cycle was okay because I no longer wanted more than friendship. Soon he would realize that I wasn't a threat to his bachelorhood and we would get along swimmingly forevermore...

That never seemed to happen. Every time we fought, I would call my best friends and analyze every detail about why this friendship wasn't working.

It stressed me out every time.

It made me emotional every time.

I shared stress with my best friends every time.

It wasn't just me. It seemed that conversations with all my single ladies had a tendency to revolve around dating and whether or not we were liked. I started to get really annoyed with the repetition of my own stories -- which were basically the same complaints I'd shared a few months prior. I wanted to find a way to lift the quality of conversation I was having with the most valuable people in my life.

I suggested to each of them that for one week, we wouldn't speak about dating at all. I specified that if they really thought they met the one, of course the rules could be thrown out. Something incredible happened during this experiment.

We talked about everything else.

Our passions, our dreams, career goals, books, movies, current affairs, spirituality, etc.

Don't get me wrong, we always shared those connections before. But we took it deeper. We removed the circular conversation of our dead end relationships, and filled that time by inspiring and encouraging each other to live big.

It worked! I broke my cycle by changing my thought and conversational patterns. I stopped dwelling on negativity, and I invited my friends to join a more holistic conversation. Our conversations are still deeper more than a year and a half later. Many thanks to my incredible, and growth minded wolf pack!

Are you ready to take the challenge?

No boy talk for one full week.

Comment below if you think you need this too! Let me know how it goes!

Thanks for reading, make great choices. :)

Next up -- Why my insecurity/attitude wasn't warranted and how this relationship taught me what it means to truly savor a moment. Stay tuned!

Occupy - Live to Love - 99%

It's been awhile since the "occupy" movement -- but it seems not enough progress has been made. The world is in shambles. People are literally dying trying to reach a life with opportunity. On our own soil, the supposed land of opportunity, many of us are living with little to no purpose (and healthcare is a joke). Blind to reality, and hopeless in our ignorance. Those of us who have been born with the most opportunity should be creating the most change for a positive world. Start where you are.

Nourish your passions,

get creative,

get moving.

Live fully and watch the world start changing.

Put your money where your heart is, and live to love.

Originally posted Oct 28, 2011.

"I am guilty of complacency. I believe that whole foods and a balanced lifestyle can cure cancer, diabetes, heart disease, depression, and many more diseases. I believe that there is enough land and water to nourish our planet's population, but we've allowed it's exploitation with unethical and environmentally hazardous practices. I believe that we naively bought our way into a nutritionally deficient and time crunched oppression. Ignorance is no longer bliss, and we must demand our way out. I believe that we must change our collective priorities to reap long term benefits from this movement. We must take sustainability and health care into our own hands. We must abandon our current sense of normalcy to propagate change for a sustainable, healthful, and ethical world that we can feel proud to pass along to future generations. We must put our money where our hearts are, and live to love. I am the 99%."

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” ~Rumi

Make good choices. :)

Paint Brush Strokes, Perception, & The Monogamy Disagreement

I like to think of each of us as our own unique painting. We are most often seen as a big picture, perhaps framed and displayed elegantly. But if one were to study us, the thought and effort of the artist would become apparent. Layers and variations of brush strokes. Some strokes applied more gently, others with heightened fervor. Here, strokes short and precise, while there, the artist’s hand pirouettes with whimsy. These strokes are the fascia of our being. Our passion, our past, our education, our relationships, everything that has gotten us from there to here. They don't just hold us together, they are us.

I made the choice to start hanging out with Daniel again, because I knew that he noticed — and appreciated — my intricacies. He saw my most delicate brush strokes, my details, the things that make me beautiful, and even those that make me ugly. (Click here to read about our first DTR.)

I like to think I saw him fully too, but who can know for certain when you’re dealing with a Gemini?

He was ever equipped with new random facts and relevant information, new projects he was working on, new ideas for my writing, and new places he wanted to show me. It was easy to fall back in step with him, sharing drinks, inside jokes, secrets, and dreams.

I adored the way he perceived life. I had a tendency toward snobbery and a distinct disapproval of all things ordinary and popular; regular holistic hipster problems. He had a way of seeing the relevance and beauty in what society has collectively deemed worthwhile. Sharing his vantage point expanded my heart, my thoughts, and my perceptions for the better.

It was the summer of Daft Punk’s Get Lucky. The song was his never-nudes, lyrical denim never fully exposing silence in his apartment. Somehow I knew that our relationship had roughly the same expiration date as the song’s radio popularity. Or at least I knew that I couldn’t let go until then.

It’s funny how music can weave memories and feelings into the deepest parts of your body.

Even now the lyrics up all night to get lucky whisk me back to the moments when he made me feel I was the only person who truly understood him. He had a way of stopping abruptly mid sentence to lock eyes and say that he LOVED talking to me. It seemed as though he couldn’t help telling me things he’d never shared before. “You're so fun to talk to! Most people can’t follow when I change directions so fast,” he’d say after a stirring exchange.

The words made me feel both special and infuriated. I knew exactly what he meant by people. He meant the two other women he was dating, or more accurately, sleeping with. My insecurity in this arrangement was our only source of contention.

It was a BIG problem actually.

Though I’d put up the physical boundaries I needed, our conversational intimacy still hovered well outside the scope of platonic. I naively thought those physical boundaries set me apart from the other girls.

He was dating them mostly physically and superficially. He was dating me intellectually and emotionally.

Pretty smart if you think about it. It’s like they were oxygen molecules and I was a hydrogen molecule, and together we made water. He was perfectly hydrated, and could avoid catching feelings as long as we pooled, sloshed, and poured together or separately on his whim.

Everything finally came to a head the night before we were going to harvest kalo together. He’d planned a charming date for us to harvest the traditional Hawaiian plant and eat lunch on the farm.

I threw a fit the night before. My discontent with the seemingly wasted natural chemistry and the ambiguity of the relationship's boundaries got the best of me.

I told him I didn’t want to take adorable, muddy, couple-y photos with a man who had no intention of staying in my life. I didn’t want to document memories only to look back on them with sadness and longing.

He said perhaps we should reschedule.

My insecurity was the primary source of mutual disagreement, and as you can imagine, I talked it backwards, forwards, and inside out with my inner circle. After a too many cycles and one friend’s key sentence, things began to shift. Stay tuned!

What do you think? Comment below!

Was my attitude warranted?

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship like this?

Is it just playing with fire to experiment with strong chemistry outside of commitment?

Thanks for reading, make great choices!

The DTR

Things were going pretty well. I’d met this handsome guy, and after a few dates I was excited to find that he was way more than just a pretty face. He was smart, driven, and actively pursuing realistic goals. It seemed he always had interesting bits of information on the tip of his tongue. Tongue bait, if you will. His mind moved fast, so conversational adventure was never lacking, and we had the wit to keep up with each other.

Sometimes he would just gaze at me with a stupid smile on his face and say, “I really like you.” Once when he was falling asleep he said that and added that he was scared shitless.

Just like every little girl, I’ve always dreamed of the day a man would tell me that his attachment to me scared him shitless. That’s what my Ken doll always said to whichever barbie had the darkest hair.

I am a firm believer that a man will always tell you his intentions early on. It may not be a straight forward message like, “I think you’re hot and hella-intella but I know intuitively you’re not the one. I’m going to be very charming for the next few months though, until you become attached, confused, and then emotional. Then I’ll ghost you so you think you’re unworthy of all love from anyone, ever.”

Unfortunately it’s usually a little more subtle, and more clearly distinguished through hindsight's monocle.

The first hint Daniel gave me, I remember clearly. I knew what he meant, but I decidedly pretended not to. We were walking to the concert hall to see Rain, the Beatles cover band, when he responded to something I said with, “Wow, it’s so cool that you really seem to know who you are and what you want.”

“Don’t you?” I asked.

He told me that he didn’t really know who he was, but that he was in the process of finding himself.

I’m smart enough to know that a man whose soul isn't comfortable in his body (and physical world), is not looking for a committed relationship.

I didn’t want to hear it though, so I mostly ignored it, and carried on with our super fun date.

Soon after that first hint, we had our first DTR (define the relationship). He told me he was looking for friendship. I told him I wasn’t dating to find friends. He told me his sob story about his ex that maybe cheated on him and how he needed to be single for awhile, and that he was sorry. Because of course I’m like so great and totally girlfriend material.

Rejection speak. I cried. It’s all I ever get in exchange for my vulnerability.

We took some time apart. He said that he very much wanted to keep being my friend, and work together on building my website. He said his friendship was on the table if I wanted it.

A few weeks later we started hanging out again.

And so the cycle begins…

more to come.

Thanks for reading, make fun choices! :)

Daniel - The Dating Phase

I last shared with you about my first date with Daniel. In the next few posts I’ll open up a little more on the juicy bits that make up this crazy thing called modern dating.

Why am I sharing this story? I was recently asked why I don't share more positive dating stories. My initial response was that they aren't as entertaining and laughable as the disastrous ones. After some thought, I decided to share this story because this is a person I really fell for. Real life doesn't have a soundtrack or fancy camera angles. Special moments are, simply that. When our honeymoon phase came to an abrupt halt, we mutually chose to continue a friendship and work relationship. That's when I learned a few of my favorite life lessons. Soon to come... :) For now, here's a bit more on the early dating stage:

I rallied my girl friends to see Daniel’s band play the week after our first date. We all had great fun dancing, and I was impressed by his strong stage presence. His love for performing really brought him to life. It's incredibly attractive to see someone in their impassioned element.

For our second date we enjoyed wine and snacks on the beach. Conversation went a little deeper as the sun went down, and we took turns listening to each other share stories of childhood and coming of age. We talked about our relationships with our parents, and how our parents personal choices have impacted us even into adulthood.

We’d both had hyper religious upbringings and victimized mothers with hoarding problems. He was embarrassed and said he'd never shared his mom's addiction with anyone before. We enjoyed similar books on psychology, spirituality, and self growth. In fact we both admitted to having a quiet long term goal of writing a book someday. We found that we'd listened to many of the same Tedtalks, and we both loved Frasier.

Our differences were obvious; him being logical and technical, while I'm intuitive and emotionally based. He's drawn to indoor work and loud party scenes; while I'm drawn to body work and the quiet splendor of the great outdoors.

Despite our differences, I felt that we communicated easily on the same plane and at the same speed. To me, that's more important than common details.

The sun was long gone by the time the sand zamboni clicked its spotlight on and began rolling out the sand. There is something very impersonal about zambonis — Like I don’t fully believe that a human drives them. I feel a distinct lack compassion, as thought its primary intention is to leave me pancaked in the sand for the morning sunbathers. Slightly panicked, Daniel and I gathered our things and escaped to the car!

“I want to keep hanging out with you tonight,” he said.

Following our progressive conversation, his confident declaration made me feel special, desired, and powerful. He suggested a place in town for a drink. It was easy to stay in the moment with him. He energized me.

A few dates later, he invited me to see a Beatles cover band show. As you would imagine, the second best thing to seeing The Beatles play, is pretending that you’re seeing The Beatles play.

He was embarrassed to admit he’d bought nosebleed tickets, but I think sneaking into a better section together was like turning the chem-lab hot plate to the highest setting.

The tension between us was so palpable we were probably a distraction to the band.

I leaned back in my seat and crossed my leg over his as they began to play Girl, and I told him when I’m feeling not-so-confident about a guy I listen to this song and remember my power.

He chuckled and maybe blushed a little, and told me that I am indeed, very powerful.

Stay tuned, things are about to get a little more interesting!

Thanks for reading, make fun choices! :)

Coconut Chocolate Cream (Pudding, Frosting... DF, GF, SF)

People are always asking me, "Natalie were you just eating chocolate?"

And I'm all like, "no, you're weird. I never eat chocolate... like never."

Okay, okay, all cards on the table...

If you're really pushing me to shove...

I'll make an honest woman outta me...

I've eaten chocolate once.

And I kinda liked it.

Don't think, just start making it.

Here's how you can like it too:

• Put a full fat can of coconut milk in the refrigerator for two days. Then...

Combine-ables:

• Scoop the cream from the top of the can into a conveniently placed mixing bowl.
• Add 1/3 cup cocoa powder (give or take a table spoon - to each their own, you know). I prefer Valrhona.
• Pour in 1/4 cup organic maple syrup.
• Add roughly 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla.
• Pinch in 1/8 or 1/4 teaspoon of sea salt (your taste).

All of these directions are up for debate and change based on your extremely respectable, personal preferences. I don't make the rules, I just sort of write them.

• Oh yeah... mix everything up. Keep it cold or it will get weird and melty.

When the time seems right, spread your chocolate cream on cupcakes, fruit, or even a loved one. Keep in mind that it melts easily.

If your chocolate is anything like mine, you'll find that people simply cannot hide their enthusiasm. They will show this by sneaking it. ;)

Let me know how it goes.

Make chocolaty choices. :)

That First Date When My High Heel Broke - Daniel

About 100 yards into my half mile walk to the restaurant, the sole of my right high heel came completely unglued. With every step it would flap like a proud, dying eagle and fold under my heel awkwardly. I was forced to slow my pace and high knee kick my right leg the rest of the walk. Actually it was a really special gait. Left foot normal, right foot high knee kick, ball of the foot to the ground, then heel. Left foot step, right leg high knee kick, toe, heel.

Basically the system reads about as easy as it was to do. This is why I was late to my first date with Daniel. (Click here to read about how we met.)

I was actually having fun with it until I opened the restaurant door - made eye contact with him, and realized I had to own that walk all the way to the table. He stood up to greet me with a kiss on the cheek. They do that here, Hawaii is just like Europe. I immediately told him about my adventure from the car. I guess I thought if I didn’t say anything he would assume I always walked like that.

As I sat down, he leaned in for what I felt was going to be an important question. His expression became playful as he challenged, “How do you feel about a pitcher of sangria?” I laughed, Infinitely thankful that he didn't just break the news to me that I’d had my skirt tucked into my gigantic granny panties that whole march from the car. I committed to the share, but the server accidentally brought out a pitcher of mojito. We had a little eye contact conversation before agreeing aloud that a mojito was definitely the better choice.

He didn’t waste another second before admitting that he did Google me. “That’s a big red flag, by the way. Telling someone to Google you.”

I blushed and giggled, “I know, I know… but I feel like men should know what they’re getting themselves into when they sign up to eat with me.”

He met my gaze reassuringly, “I like what I found. You have a strong online presence. You’re a good writer, and I want to help you build your own website.”

That was the first time anyone outside of my (obligated) friends and family, encouraged me to write. For me, that was a defining moment.

We spent the rest of the evening learning about each other through easy banter. I was interested. I could tell there was a lot to know about him. At one point I recapped part of his story in an effort to dig a little deeper. I asked, “So you’re a techie, you make children’s apps, you teach music lessons, and you love to read... What else do you do?”

He told me several months later that that question was incredibly intimidating. I hadn’t meant it to be. I just assumed he had plenty more hobbies and interests. He did, so I’m not sure what all the fuss was about.

What makes one first date better than the next? Some first dates are excruciatingly boring, while others seem to fly by as I find myself captivated by another human being. Of course there has to be physical attraction, but there’s more -- something less tangible at play.

Energetic exchange? Chemistry? I subscribe to the Celestine Prophecy theory that when you feel an absolute draw to another person, you should succumb to the magnetism. The idea is that you likely have truths to share with each other -- in words, actions, or even energy.

We shared our surface truths in a fun and friendly way. We talked about books, shows, religion, our childhoods, our hobbies, our passions. I don't fully remember what all we learned about each other that night, but I remember laughing easily, and loving it when we held eye contact a little too long.

After dinner he walked me back to my car, invited me to see his band play the following week, and promised a phone call as he kissed my cheek goodbye. I didn’t feel crazy fireworks that night. I just felt a gentle energetic pull. I wanted to spend more time enjoying his face, his eyes, and his mind.

Spoiler alert: We dated a few months and then kept an almost two year friendship. During which I learned a great deal about myself. I look forward to sharing how our unhealthy "friendship" made me a stronger, more powerful woman than ever.

Tell me about one of your positive first dates. Can you put your finger on what exactly made it a good one? Were you eager to see them again soon? Or, were you more comfortable about whatever pace would sprout naturally?

Looking forward to hearing your stories! Thanks for reading, make fun choices! :)

Want to read more about dating?

Why I Started Online Dating

What I learned from Online Dating

Daniel & The Unflushable Puppy Dog-boy

The friends of a friend of a friend that I went out with that night ditched me at the club entrance. They somehow got in for free and didn’t count me as part of the group. I test pretty high for Ugly Duckling Syndrome (meaning I often don't quite fit in with crowds), so invisibility isn’t new to me, but I’ll be darned if I had to pay to enter and they didn’t!

Fortunately the puppy dog-boy who had been following me around the bar next door popped up beside me full of promises about how he knew somebody who knew somebody, and that he would get me in.

There was a bit of confusion and a pretty awkward moment when I realized that this guy was going to be a tough flusher. I thought I could lose him with a quick stop in the bathroom.

You know, take a dance club bathroom selfie with a coat of fresh lipstick, have a sip of whatever drink someone left by the toilet, and then re-enter the club to find tastier arm candy.

Free drink, live a little!  (totally kidding)

The man was a floater. I ended up having to do time with him on some platform behind the DJ. Apparently this was the it place to be for the hipsters who don’t like to dance. It felt like prison to me, but I must have looked cool up there, and that's really all that matters.

I made the most of my situational perch by scanning the room for the hotties I would eventually try to hypnotize with my undeniably existent dance moves.

My eyes landed on a tall, dark, and mysterious, bearded man in the open double doorway. I’d had enough to drink that I decided staring was a totally okay thing to do. I stared at him for quite some time, before finally excusing myself to go dance. It only took few minutes for me to realize that my awesome moves weren’t working on anyone, and the AC was blowing like crazy on the only part of the dance floor I could fit my body.

I resolved to stand opposite handsome guy for a minute before heading out.

Moments later, Daniel introduced himself. I shook his hand and met his gaze as I told him I'd noticed him earlier. He smiled, "I saw you looking."

He told me I reminded him of Olivia Munn, and that he builds children’s educational apps. He asked for my number, and inquired about what I do. I’m ever tired of explaining my lifestyle to people, and I was feeling particularly bold at the time, so I just told him to Google me. - Yeah, I'm embarrassing, morning face-palm is pretty standard around here.

He told me I was cute and that he wanted to keep hanging out with me. It was one of those delicious moments I absolutely wanted to stay in, too.

The lights came on and puppy dog-boy found me - like he thought we were going to leave together? Daniel asked if he was my boyfriend. I told him that I’d only just met the guy and that he was weird. When I waved him onward, Daniel nodded at me, “nicely done.” I felt comfortable next to him. His eyes were warm and knowing, and his energy felt open and confident. I knew even then, that he was going to change me.

We parted ways outside with a promise of a phone call.

First date story to come...

Thanks for reading, make fun choices. :)

Dear Women, Let's Stop Giving Fear Based Advice

Last night in the Co-op I couldn’t help but overhear two women, 20 years my senior, discussing in depth what to do about their hair. The first soundbite I caught was just boring old gray-shaming nonsense, so I returned to my mustard ingredient literature. Annoyed to have to decide between iodized salted mustard, or one with sugar. Ugh, another story for another day.

My ears perked up again when *Brenda brought up her Skype date. She had just had her hair cut and styled, partly so that *Skypeguy would find her desirable, and partly because she was hoping it would make her more comfortable with her declining pigment issue.

She was excited to show Skypeguy her new style, but his flat reaction of, “oh, you chopped your hair,” sent her through a Tilt-a-Whirl of emotion. She was disappointed in him and in the stylist. She was sad and angry, but also just really confused. The stylist had raved about all the body and vibrance this cut restored. Skypeguy claimed that he preferred her flat, stringy, long tresses to her now shoulder length coiffure. She wanted to understand why women have such a wildly different view of what great hair is, than men do.

Her friend, *Maryanne, insisted that she dye her hair before the next video call. She seemed fixated on doing whatever it would take to keep this man’s attention. So much so, that as I squeezed by to find my colloidal silver spray (It’s a small co-op), I asked if I could (or, told that I would), offer my two cents. Brenda obliged and so I told them my experience.

Almost every man has told me that he prefers long hair, but every time I go back to my Amelie bob, the storm clouds roll in and the sky pours men.

Both ladies immediately pointed out all the reasons why that look would work for me but not for them: my heart shaped face, my thick healthy hair, and my striking nose.

According to my own intimate relationship with my reflection, and my own insecurities, their reasons held no ground. I have an oval face, very fine, thin hair, and a huge Greek nose.

I expressed to them that the point isn’t about what other people think about you. The best hair cut and color depends completely on what makes you feel great about yourself.

I told Brenda that it sounds like Skypeguy may be stunted in his communication abilities. That's his problem, not hers, but if he continues to make her feel like she's not good enough, then he's not worth her time.

She hadn't thought about it like that.

They asked if I'm going to dye my hair when the gray starts taking over. I told them I'm not sure. There are several beautiful and strong women in my life who just wouldn't be the same without their naturally gray manes.

Maryanne asked if they were alone. 

I was delighted to say that they are not.

Fellow sisters, can we please stop giving each other fear based advice?

I am proud to say that I would gladly spend the rest of my life enjoying friends and family as a single person, than to commit to an unfulfilling and energy sucking romantic relationship.

Love yourself.

Do things that make you feel alive.

Dress however makes you feel awesome.

Find out what makes you glow, and do it. No relationship will ever make you glow except for the relationship you have with yourself.

Two people lit up on their own, make the kind of fire Ellie Goulding sings about -- and I can get down to that!

Order Ellie music & merchandise here: http://ell.li/EGstoreYT Listen to the complete Ellie Goulding playlist here: http://ell.li/CompleteYT http://www.elliegoulding.com #VEVOCertified on November 21, 2013. http://vevo.com/certified Music video by Ellie Goulding performing Burn. (C) 2013 Polydor Ltd. (UK)

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Thanks for reading, make love based choices. :)

*names made up, obvi.

Chocolate Chip Cupcakes For Anyone With Love In Their Hearts DF/GF

First off, I never would have come to such great success (yes, I am standing on my homemade cardboard pedestal holding a blue ribbon), with my chocolate cupcakes if not for this recipe. I am forever indebted to Stef, from the Cupcake Project. I initially altered her recipe to be dairy free and refined sugar free. A few days later, I altered it a little more, you know, tinkling on a fire hydrant kind of thing. It's mine now. :)

If you want to be like me (on a pedestal), you're going to need these things:

• 1 oven preheated to 375 degrees
• 2 cupcake pans
• 2 3/4 cups garbanzo bean flour, sifted twice
• 1 cup cocoa powder, sifted with the garbanzo flour
• 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
• 2 teaspoons baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon sea salt, or more if you like it salty.
• 1 3/4 cup maple syrup
• 2 eggs
• 3 teaspoons vanilla
• 1/4 cup olive oil
• 1/4 cup coconut oil
• 1 cup coconut milk fat. (refrigerate can of coconut milk overnight, and the fat will rise to the top. Open can from top (obvi) and dig the fatty cream out with care.
• 1 cup dark chocolate chips
• 1 cup hot water

Now that you have gathered these things, pat yourself on the back, because you're already half way to success.

Facebook update something about that right now. --------- Okay, you're back! Here we go!

• Mix the dry and sifted ingredients in a big bowl. All of them.  Just do it. Well, not the oven or the pans.  Just the dry food. Okay.
• Mix the wet ingredients (but only half the hot water) in a smaller or equal sized bowl. 
• Slowly pour the wet ingredients into the dry bowl. Keep stirring as though your life depends on it.
• If necessary, add the last half cup of hot water.
• Add up to 1 cup of dark chocolate chips. Stir some more.

Now

Fill up your cupcake cups halfway. Place your trays in the oven and wait about 20 or 25 minutes. You can use the old toothpick trick to make sure their finished. The tops will be firm like the glutinous cake you remember from childhood.

When they're ready, and not a single moment sooner, eat your heart out! I will post my coconut icing recipe very soon.  Until then, know that coconut bliss will be a great topper.

Thanks for eating, make great cupcakes! :)

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