My first online date was from a paid member site. I assumed that paying members were more serious daters. Observation has shown this to be a likelier truth for the over forty crowd. I read through all my "matches" within a few days. There were just a few men whose faces, demeanors, and profiles I found compelling. I exchanged several emails over the course of a few weeks with one of these men.
He wasn't my normal type, but I was looking to expand on my sense of normal anyway.
Our emails were full of life, and comedy. He was a successful architect, intelligent, and silly. I figured we'd easily be friends. We met at the Living Room Theater in Portland, for drinks, pupus, and and painfully awkward conversation. His physical presence lacked the life that had caught my attention in his writing.
We had no chemistry, and had used up all the safe first date dialogue in our emails. Two hours of polite exchange fell on my shoulders to carry, and close.
He asked me out again. I was really busy.
Writing, if you're good at it, can be a powerful display of energy and intelligence. When it comes to dating, it's best to keep written conversation to a minimum to avoid a false sense of chemistry, or familiarity.
All you really need is a handshake, eye contact, and a 30 second introduction to know if you're physically, intellectually, and energetically attracted.
If you don't already practice that habit, start. When you meet someone, ask yourself internally how you feel about them. Get to know them through one short, or many conversations. Look back on what your gut told you initially. Did your intuition already tell you what took months to play out? This is a practical tool for all relationships.
Chemistry is important. Not having it doesn't make either party inferior in any way. There was nothing wrong with this man, we simply didn't give, or have any energy for each other.
I don't think we talk enough about chemistry in our culture. When I hear about dates where there wasn't chemistry, the stories are often filled with shallow criticism, "he was so boring!" "She didn't have depth." "He was gross." "He held his fork wrong." "She talked too much." Yada yada...
The truth is we are all gross, and shallow, and talk too much, and are absorbed in the stupid reality of our own mundane lives.
If there's chemistry, all that stuff is as beautiful and interesting to the other person, as it is to ourselves.
In the next few posts, I'll be covering more of what I've learned from online dating, dating, and why I'm relying solely on face to face romantic happenstance from here on out.
Thanks for reading, make good choices! :)