The novelty of a larger dating pool right at my fingertips gave me more perspective. Through the ups and downs of sharing a table with strangers, I learned my incredible value. Despite the message threading our culture; if you're single, there's something wrong with you. Let me give you some examples of how this message shows up in typical conversations:
- "Stop looking so hard, he'll be right around the corner." - Who are you to say that I am looking too hard, and what does that even mean? Because...
- Maybe you don't put yourself out there enough - Really? I talk to strangers!
- Focus on yourself, you'll find him when you're ready. - I AM THE MOST NARCISSISTIC PERSON I KNOW! I'm sort of kidding. Really though, this advice implies that all I do with my time is man hunt. I actually have loads of hobbies, and resent the implication that I don't already take great care of myself because I'm too distracted scoping out hotties I'm not good enough for.
- "You're too picky." - Choosing a life partner is not an REI purchase. I can't just take him back no questions asked, if it turns out he's not a great baby daddy after all. Also I don't think too picky pertains to my list of non negotiables:
- Mutual sexual attraction.
- Mutual intellectual attraction.
- Mutual appreciation and respect.
Okay, you get the point by now... People (especially people in relationships of any duration) feel like they should say something about singleness. There's actually not much to say about it.
It just is.
It is possible and even likely that many single people are healthy, rational, fun, and intelligent. These cultural fallback messages are not productive as they perpetuate the lie that falling in love makes a person more whole.
Thanks for reading, make good choices! :)
Let's connect, tell me your story in the comments section!