Bullet Points From Last Night’s Date:

Ke' iki Beach.  North shore, Oahu.  Photo Cred.  Rachel Pfund

Ke' iki Beach.  North shore, Oahu.  Photo Cred.  Rachel Pfund

Conversation is how we learn about each other in order to connect. Some people connect more emotionally, some people connect more intellectually. I went on a date last night that I can best explain as a complete waste of my time.


This person didn't seem to want to connect in any way. I had to carry the whole conversation. I tried my absolute darndest to make small talk fun, but he wouldn't bite. I think he did want to bite my lip though... Below are the bullet points from our date. They are in no particular order, and yes, the date was just as dry as the list. I hope you enjoy it more than I did!

  • He loves surfing.
  • He only likes small talk.
  • He doesn’t really even like small talk. - I'm terrible at small talk.
  • He loves Hawaii.
  • He loves surfing.
  • he loves Hawaii because he can surf here.
  • He’s not into “busy girls.” - I have three jobs. I am by definition, busy.
  • He asked the server for separate tickets when we ordered our drinks.

  • He loves surfing.
  • He doesn’t love to read.
  • He doesn’t like to read.
  • Actually, he doesn't read. At all.
  • In his early 20’s he thought that he should read, but now he knows it’s not important.

  • He likes Korean, Japanese, and Thai girls.  
  • Especially Korean’s, “Even though they all look the same, they’re all still really pretty.”

  • He likes to surf.
  • He works on a computer.
  • He codes.
  • He doesn’t care much about the work he does.
  • He doesn’t see himself going another direction… at any point.
  • He says it's easier said than done, to code and create side projects. So he doesn't.
  • He used to live in Florida.
  • He went to school there.
  • He surfed there.
  • He's also surfed in California.
  • He said I look better in person.  More of a fact, less of a compliment.
  • He asked if he looks like his pictures.
  • He wanted me to answer with flattery.
  • I answered with truth. He doesn't really look like his pictures, but he is handsome.
  • He doesn’t go out much.
  • He doesn't drink much.
  • He suggested I "pound," my drink.  I declined.
  • He likes to sleep at night.
  • He doesn’t cook.
  • He doesn’t believe in marriage.
  • He’s not interested in a relationship.
  • His car gets good gas mileage when he’s driving to go surf.

Bored out of my mind, and desperate for a conversation piece that would render a just a hint of connection, I asked him what his driving force is. He scoffed and said, “Uh, really?” I smiled and offered, “surfing?” 

He said, "I answered the question: I said, 'Uh, really?'"

The server accidentally brought our two drinks out on the same check. I suggested explaining how we’d like the two items broken up. He insisted that the server should bring individual tickets.

  • He suggested walking back on the beach.
  • I was walking too fast for him.
  • The date had lasted too long for me.
  • I slowed down at his request, honoring social norms.
  • He grabbed my arm, and tugged me toward him for a kiss.
  • Everything was awkward. Everything.

  • I told him that were weren’t there yet.
  • I started walking.
  • He grabbed my arm and tugged me toward him again, “How about now?”
  • He wasn’t satisfied with the repetition of my first response, so I explained, “you’re not looking for a relationship, and I don’t think you have the desire to strengthen your own emotional capacity to connect with a girl like me.”

  • He said, “I thought you liked hapas,” reminding me that since he is half Vietnamese, I should technically be attracted to him. 
  • I explained that I don’t feel the urge to make out with all the handsome men.
  • I politely refrained from explaining that I was not actually attracted to him.
  • He said something about how I’m not very smart because I don’t have a bachelors degree.
  • I laughed, and told him I didn’t understand his defense considering we hadn’t really connected on any level, and he’s not even looking for a relationship.
  • He said that I’m lucky it’s night time because if it were day time he wouldn’t bother to walk me to my car.

  • I asked him not to walk me to my car.
  • Tone heavily coated in stronger sex obligation, he assured me that he would.
  • I strengthened my tone and told him I really didn’t need him to walk me back.  
  • He quickened his pace as we walked across the same street.
  • Forever disconnected.

Maybe he's the one? ;)  Have you had a similar experience?  Tell me all about it below!