11 Priceless Tips to Heal Your Incredible Body!

1. Cut out processed foods and sugar.  

Take a good honest look in your refrigerator and cupboards.  Throw away everything that does not look like it did in nature.  Sugar is poison.  It's a difficult concept to even want to believe this, but inflammation literally feeds on sugar. Almost every health condition will show a decrease in symptoms once sugar is removed from the picture. 

2.  Increase water intake.  

Proper hydration is fundamental to basic cellular communication.  If you’re not hydrated, nothing happens correctly in your body.  You should be drinking ½ your body weight in ounces, plus 16 ounces for every 8 ounces of diuretic (coffee, tea, juice, etc..).

3. Increase vitamin and mineral consumption.  

In our culture, we think of pills when we think of vitamins.  Change your mindset, and consider whole foods your vitamin and mineral source.  A high quality supplement from a naturopath or nutritional therapist is important, but I believe that a nutrient dense diet is a crucial part of feeling and looking healthy.

4. Heal your digestion.  

Be honest with yourself about your bowel movements.  Most people will say that their BMs are doing fine.  Most people are not doing fine.  We should have three, clean, well formed, poops a day.  Not many can say they do.  If you’re not pooping properly, it’s fair to assume that you’re not absorbing those nutrients you’re working so hard to ingest.  In this case I recommend a supplement called hydrochloric acid.  This is stomach acid, and helps to digest food at the top of what I like to consider a food roller coaster.  It would be in each person’s best interest to find a naturopath or nutritional therapist who can test your body for helpful supplements.  Aloe vera juice and Country Life probiotics have been incredibly beneficial to the health of my gut lining. (I attached the link so you can see it... but I don't think you should order it online. It needs to be refrigerated.)

5.  Eat fat,

always organic! Look for expeller or cold pressed oils; olive, coconut, hemp, and flax are great oils to add to your diet.  Try to include more raw or properly soaked and dehydrated nuts.  Eat chia seeds, flax seeds, hemp seeds, avocados, full fat meats; free range chicken/omega 3 eggs, and grass fed beef.   Go organic  (always) and full fat for milk products (though you should get tested for a dairy allergy).  Don’t fear fat and cholesterol (do be very deliberate about your sources though).  Your body actually needs cholesterol to make hormones!

6. Get tested for food allergies.  

Seemingly minuscule  ingredients like soy lecithin and citric acid can wreak havoc on your body.  A great place to start is experimenting with the removal of the top food allergens: Dairy, gluten, eggs, soy, and corn.

7.  Do not eat anything with iodized salt.  

Use sea salt only, and read the label to make sure that’s really all your getting.

8.  Open your mind.

The best diet for your body right now may not be what you currently believe it to be.  If you're a dedicated carnivore, maybe your body needs more raw foods.  If you're a passionate vegetarian, but you're having dreams that you're a lioness chasing a herd of buffalo, start considering humanely sourced options for animal protein.  Bodies know things. Listen closely.

9.  Put yourself first.  

Our culture is fast, and over stimulating.  Especially when you’re dealing with a health condition, you must learn to say no to unnecessary obligations. Saying no to some engagements leaves you time for self care.  It’s important to exercise, meditate, and find time and space for peace and quiet.  Get as much sleep as you can (I know how hard that is for moms). Do your best.  Get acupuncture!  Acupuncture is always my first step when I feel overwhelmed by life. The effects are subtle, but drastic.

 10.  Believe your Self into good health. 

Know that you can be healed. Energy and intention are huge! Speak and think lovingly about yourself and others. Have an abundance and love mindset, instead of a mindset of scarcity or fear.

11.  Take action.

Change takes action. Growth takes action. Feeling your best takes action. Get started today. Know that there will be ups and downs. Great days and really, really terrible days. Overall, as you heal you'll notice your connection with yourself strengthening, and in turn, your connection with the world around you will be strengthened.

Nourish to flourish.

Thanks for reading, make healing choices! :)

18 Questions To Ask yourself When You're Busy and Unhappy

For the last year I have not had a full day off built into my schedule. I know the value of stable income, so for awhile I was just blissed out to finally have financial security between my three jobs. Recently the toll has worn down my body, and I'm hearing myself repeat mechanically that I'm thankful for the stability, but I haven't been experiencing the kind of joy and lightheartedness that comes with a few doses of rest, play, and passion.
 

Busy isn't always a good thing.  Often when people ask how I am, I tell them with a tired look on my face, that I'm busy. They usually say something like, "That's great!" Or, "Better than the opposite!"

Yes, busy can be a great thing. There are all kinds of ways busy can be beneficial, but sometimes (I think often), we end up busy for the sake of others. I'm recognizing that I need to, and where I need to draw boundaries in my own life in order to live more joyfully.

Below are some questions I've been asking myself to decide how I can make "busy," improve my quality of life rather than drain the life out of me.

1.  Do I feel happy?

2.  Do I have energy?

3.  What parts of my day give me energy?

4.  What parts of me day drain me?

5.  Am I craving different activities than my usual routine?

6.  Are those activities healthy and/or productive?

7.  How can I fit those activities in?

8.  What can I give up in order to fit something different in?

9.  Why do I have guilt about carving time out for myself?

10.  Am I carrying a sense of responsibility and obligation that doesn't really belong to me?

11.  Does anyone around me identify? Do other people feel this way about their "busy?"

12.  Do I have time for self care?

13.  Do I have time to spend alone?

14.  Do I have time to pursue my own passion?

15.  Do I have time to continue my education?

16.  How serious am I about feeling better than I do right now?

17.  Am I willing to say no?

Am I willing to say no?

Why not?

18.  Do I really want to be happy if I'm not willing to create boundaries to protect myself?

I am willing to say no.  I need time to chase myself.

When I'm not chasing myself, the light inside me starts to die out.  I need time to go running, to go dancing, to take baths, to blog, to learn, and to laugh with friends.

If you are in a place right now where you're constantly racing the clock, try asking yourself these questions too. It's a rare friend who will give you permission to chase yourself instead of wealth or tangible goals. Keep those friends around, and give yourself the permission.

Let me know what you think! Thanks for reading, make great choices! :)

Bullet Points From Last Night’s Date:

Conversation is how we learn about each other in order to connect. Some people connect more emotionally, some people connect more intellectually. I went on a date last night that I can best explain as a complete waste of my time.

This person didn't seem to want to connect in any way. I had to carry the whole conversation. I tried my absolute darndest to make small talk fun, but he wouldn't bite. I think he did want to bite my lip though... Below are the bullet points from our date. They are in no particular order, and yes, the date was just as dry as the list. I hope you enjoy it more than I did!

• He loves surfing.
• He only likes small talk.
• He doesn’t really even like small talk. - I'm terrible at small talk.
• He loves Hawaii.
• He loves surfing.
• he loves Hawaii because he can surf here.
• He’s not into “busy girls.” - I have three jobs. I am by definition, busy.

• He asked the server for separate tickets when we ordered our drinks.

• He loves surfing.
• He doesn’t love to read.
• He doesn’t like to read.
• Actually, he doesn't read. At all.

• In his early 20’s he thought that he should read, but now he knows it’s not important.

• He likes Korean, Japanese, and Thai girls.  

• Especially Korean’s, “Even though they all look the same, they’re all still really pretty.”

• He likes to surf.
• He works on a computer.
• He codes.
• He doesn’t care much about the work he does.
• He doesn’t see himself going another direction… at any point.
• He says it's easier said than done, to code and create side projects. So he doesn't.
• He used to live in Florida.
• He went to school there.
• He surfed there.
• He's also surfed in California.
• He said I look better in person.  More of a fact, less of a compliment.
• He asked if he looks like his pictures.
• He wanted me to answer with flattery.
• I answered with truth. He doesn't really look like his pictures, but he is handsome.
• He doesn’t go out much.
• He doesn't drink much.
• He suggested I "pound," my drink.  I declined.
• He likes to sleep at night.
• He doesn’t cook.
• He doesn’t believe in marriage.
• He’s not interested in a relationship.

• His car gets good gas mileage when he’s driving to go surf.

Bored out of my mind, and desperate for a conversation piece that would render a just a hint of connection, I asked him what his driving force is. He scoffed and said, “Uh, really?” I smiled and offered, “surfing?” 

He said, "I answered the question: I said, 'Uh, really?'"

The server accidentally brought our two drinks out on the same check. I suggested explaining how we’d like the two items broken up. He insisted that the server should bring individual tickets.

• He suggested walking back on the beach.
• I was walking too fast for him.
• The date had lasted too long for me.
• I slowed down at his request, honoring social norms.
• He grabbed my arm, and tugged me toward him for a kiss.

• Everything was awkward. Everything.

• I told him that were weren’t there yet.
• I started walking.
• He grabbed my arm and tugged me toward him again, “How about now?”

• He wasn’t satisfied with the repetition of my first response, so I explained, “you’re not looking for a relationship, and I don’t think you have the desire to strengthen your own emotional capacity to connect with a girl like me.”

• He said, “I thought you liked hapas,” reminding me that since he is half Vietnamese, I should technically be attracted to him. 
• I explained that I don’t feel the urge to make out with all the handsome men.
• I politely refrained from explaining that I was not actually attracted to him.
• He said something about how I’m not very smart because I don’t have a bachelors degree.
• I laughed, and told him I didn’t understand his defense considering we hadn’t really connected on any level, and he’s not even looking for a relationship.

• He said that I’m lucky it’s night time because if it were day time he wouldn’t bother to walk me to my car.

• I asked him not to walk me to my car.
• Tone heavily coated in stronger sex obligation, he assured me that he would.
• I strengthened my tone and told him I really didn’t need him to walk me back.  
• He quickened his pace as we walked across the same street.
• Forever disconnected.

Maybe he's the one? ;)  Have you had a similar experience?  Tell me all about it below!

8 Reasons I Am Not My Body

I am not my body. You are not your body. You are a life inside a body, and you have an incredible mind to bridge the gap between your body and your spirit.

My body has helped me to connect the dots between my Self, my health, and the health of the environment. As I navigate through this amusement park called life, it is more and more evident that while we so quickly define ourselves by our physical nature, we cannot be so simply categorized.

1. I am not my body because my body gets in the way of my plans.  -I wanted to be an olympic gymnast, or a ballet dancer.  I didn’t have the feet for ballet, and adrenal fatigue started weighing down my body and my dreams in middle school.

2. I am not my body because my body doesn’t always move when I feel the urge to create. -I’ve thought through millions of blog posts… but there are only so many posted, right?

3. I am not my body because my body sometimes wants to keep moving even when I have no energy left to give. -Sometimes the only thing I can do, is keep going.  Who knows what will happen if I lose the momentum, even if it is ultimately aimless.

4. I am not my body because my body has to learn things that on the inside, I feel I already know. -Do you ever feel like enjoying the music is the most natural thing to do, but allowing the body to dance feels stifled and totally off base?

5. I am not my body because my body has been injured in some ways beyond repair, while my inner self has proven itself to heal, time and time again. -When cheese and I broke up, I thought the gleam in my eyes was forever lost.  Instead, I found a new zest for life; the kind of zest you only feel when your intestines are functioning properly!

6. I am not my body because my body is not the part of me that can empathize with the people in my life. -When my heart hurts, when the tears well up, when I reach out to give a hug, when I cry at a wedding, when I jump for someone else's victory, or share a laugh with a baby: these are reactions of my spirit.

7. I am not my body because the way I look is not always the way I feel. -Fit does not mean a person is in good health.  Fat does not mean a person makes poor choices.  If you want to know how someone feels, look for the light in their eyes.

8. I am not my body because who I am cannot be summed up by what you see.  -I am infinite on the inside of my fragile and ticking body.

Knowing my own body’s pain and journey, has allowed me to consider that of others. My compassion is strengthened with every trial.  What are your thoughts?  Do you identify?  How do you know you are not your body?

Thanks for reading! make good choices. :)

I Got Roofied Last New Years, and Survived

As the Waikiki fireworks rung in 2014, I left my sister to go say hi to a friend, and meet up with a few more friends. I was herded into a snake of people trying to get off the beach.

It seemed they didn't want us traipsing through the hotels to get back to the street. My frustration was peaking about all the backtracking I would have to do, when all i wanted was to cut through the hotel nearest me. Opportunity arose in a bright eyed man asking if I wanted to get a drink. I watched the bartender pour my Grey Goose greyhound, and we toasted to the New Year. Friendly banter flowed, but as we stood up to leave he commented that I had barely touched my $12 drink. Recognizing social mores, I took a few more sips. He said he needed to go to the bathroom. I said aloud, "I need to go puke." He said, "oh, I didn't realize you were so drunk or I wouldn't have got you that drink." I sensed manipulation in his comment, but assumed this was the last I’d see of him, and headed off to the restroom in the hotel lobby.

I didn't actually feel drunk enough to be sick, but my stomach felt top heavy and unsettled.  When it comes to drinking, I never try to be a champion. If my innards are irked, I puke—better now than in the morning with a blasting headache. As I finished purging in a stall, I realized that I really didn't feel good. Minutes before, I had been vibrant and buzzed, ready for a fun night.   Now I felt like everything was spinning.  Or maybe it wasn't spinning - unusual tracks followed my vision. I realized that what I was feeling was suddenly different than drunkenness. I pulled myself together  and exited the bathroom, unpleasantly surprised to see the man seated in the breastfeeding area of the ladies room. I wasn’t sure what to do, I didn’t know if I could trust my feet to find help. I wasn’t even sure if something was really wrong with me. I sat down in a big chair with side table between him and I. He immediately began suggesting all kinds of things about how I felt:

"You're just tired…. I should get you somewhere you can rest…. Where should I take you to sleep…. I want to help you feel better."

I looked up at him and said, "I'm not going anywhere with you. I don't want your help." He then turned to flattery. He said, "I love your legs." I replied flatly, "I like them too.” I avoided eye contact, left cold by my confused state and the now unwelcome presence of this stranger. He tried kissing me, saying that he just wanted to wrap his arms around me and that he wanted to get me somewhere I could rest and feel better. I yelled at him and pushed him away, "Don't touch me! You cannot take me anywhere!"

At this point I had gathered puzzle pieces that made me feel uncomfortable around this man, but what I later realized was effects from a drug was blocking me from connecting them to see a big picture.

My head was spinning with thoughts. I didn't want to make him angry. I didn't want to give him an opportunity to take my phone away. I didn't want to fall asleep. I didn't want to lose understanding of my surroundings. The bathroom stall at least offered a door and privacy. I retreated back to the restroom, remembering that I was just a call away from help. I spent more than an hour unsuccessfully writing texts, but failing to finish, or send them. Time escaped me. I could hear bits of conversation the man was having on the phone. I could make out that he was describing my symptoms to someone. After some time of silence in my stall, the door began to swing open at me. I stood up to slam it shut, yelling, “get out of here!” The cleaning lady chased him out of the restroom.

I locked the door, sat down again, and thought, "Why have I not reached anyone yet?" I attempted to dial a friend, but without the area code so it wouldn't place. I don't even know whose number I thought it was, but the remnants of those addled moments were preserved in my call log. I wasted more time thus before giving myself a pep talk:

"Natalie, you feel crazy right now. No, don't fall asleep! This is your phone. See how nicely it fits in your hand. You use it all the time. You know how to call people. Actually, you’re really good at it. There is a tunnel of reality that you can get to if you try really hard.  Call someone now." 

I at least took a figurative deep breath, but knowing me I probably took a literal deep breath before diving into this tunnel of reality. I found it. I successfully completed a few calls to friends around 2:30am, but they didn’t pick up. I called an 8 digit number several times, not understanding why it wasn't working. I finally got through to a friend, and in a weak and slow voice, but desperate to be articulate I said, "please come get me." I described where I was, and my friend said he was on the way. Still keeping track of me from the women’s lounge, the man heard me speaking and stood up to check. I could see him in the bathroom doorway through the side slit of my stall door. I loudly told him that my friend was on the way, and he muttered "Happy New Year" as he ran off. I waited a few minutes before winding my way through the hotel to Kuhio street. My friend pulled up within minutes. I got in the car and apparently didn’t let go of his shifting hand until I got home.

**This New Years Eve, if you see a girl who appears out of sorts, ask her if she needs help. The most problematic symptom I experienced was internalization.  If a person was more than a few feet away from me, they were not in my sense of reality.  I didn't have the wherewithal to ask for help. It's always better to ask, just in case. 

Thanks for reading, make good choices! :)

Thank you Deborah for helping me edit this piece.  I couldn't have done it without you!

World's Best Bacon and Mushroom Burger

Some days are better than others.  

Take last night for example:  

Last night was better than last Thursday because last Thursday I walked all over a busy mall with my shirt on inside out, while last night, I successfully grilled uber delicious bacon mushroom burgers (inspired by Nom Nom Paleo's book), and "pizza carrots."

Here's how I prepped the food you see in the photograph:

• I chopped and sautéed one portabello mushroom in just enough olive oil, with a bit of sea salt. The goal is to dehydrate them to add to the mix below.
• I skinned four cloves of garlic
• I also skinned half a sweet onion.
• I pulsed the garlic and onion in the Cuisinart
• I dared to add four slices of Organic bacon to the pulse mix.
• I added about a teaspoon and a half of no nonsense ketchup, like this one.
• I did the same with worcestershire sauce.
• Salt and pepper to your own liking.
• I sprinkled in maybe a teaspoon of oregano.
• Then I pulsed in one pound of organic (preferably grass fed) ground beef,  and the sautéed mushrooms.

In the past I've also added an organic egg (free range is best), and some almond flour to thicken the patties.  I didn't last night though, because I didn't feel like it.

After that,

I simply unplugged the Cuisinart, scooped up some meat mix, and started patting my patties into imperfect circles.

Later I put them on the grill with sea salted and olive oiled Portobello mushrooms (for the burger bun bottom), and herbed up carrots (recipe later).

Hey, how do you like that view of  Diamond Head?  The pumpkin cider tasted great, but was a little too sweet for me last night.  

To Serve,

please include all favorite burger topping like sliced onion, tomatoes, mustard, lettuce, pickles, etc… This your life.  Do what you want.

Also pictured is a honey mustard kale salad with walnuts (recipe someday).

Altogether, this was a great experience for everyone except for the very tired children involved.   I think we can all agree, it is very difficult indeed, to be a child in Hawaii. ;)

This recipe is safe to try at home.  Let me know how your experience goes!

Thanks for reading, make good choices. ;)

Opportunity Looks Like Hard Work

If you've read my last two posts: This one, and this one too, 

Then you're probably thinking, "NATALIE, for crying out loud, get the bleepity bleep bleep out of there!" Believe me, I was on the same page. However, the last few years of income have been pretty dodgy, thus solidifying my gratitude for any job. Though I did have one great gig that kept me in the positive for a full nine months;

I was a surrogate for an A-list Celebrity's illegitimate pregnancy.

No, that's a lie. The truth: It was a fun, positive, and super cush nanny gig. Actually, I made the same wage (as the job from hell) watching one delightful toddler with my duties being;

• to enjoy her awesome personality,
• go for walks,
• play,
• and clean up the mess we made.

I did not do laundry, I did not cook, I did not walk the dog, I did not water or weed the garden, I did not have to restrain violent children. This job unfortunately ended when the little lass matured enough to pull up her own, ahem, pull-up. Therefore graduating Nanny University, and making her application to preschool outshine the competition. Also, there was an opening, and she was next on the list.

Did I want to make more money in that job? Hell yes. Did the job description warrant more? No.

That family was (and still is) incredibly warm hearted, considerate, and fair.

I made it a priority to find a job with more household responsibility so that I could justify making more. I made this clear to all the families I interviewed with. Initially the "money doesn't buy happiness lady" agreed to my asking wage. At the interview the husband suggested starting lower for a trial period. Pretty standard. I accepted.

A few months in, I found myself loaded with four times the responsibility as my previous job, with less predictable hours, and no increase in wage. I was exhausted physically, emotionally, and spiritually. That's when all this raise business came up.

Why did I stay through all the blatant disrespect?

Not all jobs are valued the same. Not all employees are worth the top dollar. This was a high maintenance family, and as a top shelf nanny, the circumstances were lined up for me to ask for top dollar.

I'm not afraid of working hard to gain ground in life. I'm afraid of working myself into the ground and missing out on life.

I did get the raise. The money I was able to save thanks to the raise, came in very handy when they let me go a few months later...

Just before Christmas.

Sometimes the opportunities provided by the universe aren't what we would wish upon a shooting star for, but I've learned that being a hard worker, and a yes person, the right doors will always open at the right time.

More to come.
Thanks for reading, make good choices! :) 

This Lie Could Be Holding You Back

In my last post I talked about knowing your worth in order to demand it. In that same conversation about fair compensation, the mother (my employer) said one more excruciating thing to me. 

Let me set the scene for you a bit. The husband and wife stood behind a high countertop, while I sat at the kitchen table. Consciously or not, they made themselves "above me" for this conversation. Having noticed this, I engaged my core, held my shoulders back, and my chin high. I made a promise to myself not to react to anything they said with my face. I didn't want them to see (or smell) my fear.

My insecurity was their best game piece.

What she said to me was so lacking in empathy and consideration that I had no idea how to respond. She stood in her (multi) million dollar home and said,

"Natalie, money doesn't buy happiness. I'm worried that if we give you this raise, it won't be enough for you, and you'll just want more."

I can't be sure what my face did. Hopefully it didn't betray me. My mind was flooded with doubt. She had just played on my greatest insecurity.

Maybe I'm just being extravagant. 

Maybe I don't deserve it.

Maybe I'm just being selfish.

Then I remembered why I needed this raise so badly. I was working as many hours as I could, sometimes for ten families a week, and I was still not making ends meet.  My wage was too low, and my opportunities for extra hours were inconsistent.

I could not afford the time or the price of proper self care. This job, as I described in my previous post, took an incredible amount of energy, and emotional strength.

Not only did I deserve to make ends meet with such hard work and sacrifice, I needed to afford to take care of myself with high quality food, yoga, and acupuncture.

Her words were cutting, but I'm glad she said them.  This experience illuminated my own insecurities, and gave me the opportunity to watch an epic grappling match between my self worth and self doubt.

Money doesn't buy happiness, but it does:

rent my roof,

feed me,

clothe me,

give me time,

and provide a means of trade for my self care essentials.

Money keeps me going, but it is not my joy. Wanting to take care of myself in basic ways, without fear of financial failure, is not selfish.  It's survival.

What are your thoughts?  Do you put your self care needs first?  What would you have said?

Thanks for reading, make good choices. :)

Do You Know Your Worth?

 

Do you know your worth?

Several years ago a new employer asked me what I charged per hour for nannying.  I told her I didn't feel comfortable putting a number on spending time with children, and asked what she thought was fair. I'll never forget what she said next. She told me I need to know my worth and learn to feel comfortable demanding it.

"You have to know your worth to demand it."  ~Jen

Then she offered me a higher wage than I would have asked for. She is a woman's woman.

In one fell swoop, she gave me one of the best pieces of advice in my life, and showed me that I was worth more than I knew. She empowered me.

I have nannied through private contracting ever since then, her words have become a source of strength. I have had to assert myself over and over again just to receive a fair wage in trade for my workday.

In one household, on a daily basis I was faced with hateful verbal abuse from a six year old. His two year old brother was learning to follow suit. On several occasions the older child told me he was going to shoot me with his Dad's gun. Any disciplinary action taken on my part would send this child into a violent fit; hitting, kicking, biting, scratching, and screaming hateful words.

They expected me not just to do the children's laundry, but also to closely follow predetermined folding rules, and separate clothing by colors. There were to be no toys or books out at the end of each day. I walked the dogs, tended the garden, and cooked dinner. The parents came home to clean children, and a clean house.

The mother once chided me about the quality of my work because I'd left a stack of toddler books (with the toddler) in the living room once I was off duty.

I can safely say by the state of the house at the beginning of my work day, that they did not hold themselves to the same standard of household maintenance that they held me. This is okay with me, but for a cost.

Novelty comes with a price tag.

A few months in, I asked for a raise. The husband and wife stood together in solidarity, explaining that anything more just didn't fit into their budget. This was news to me, as I had only accepted this wage on a trial bases, and had made it clear that my value was higher in our very first conversation.

A month later, I approached the subject again. I told them that their expectations and the children's behavioral problems made the job worth X amount, and I reminded them of what I initially said my worth was. I told them I wasn't walking out that day, or that week, but that I would be seeking other employment if they couldn't meet me with fair compensation.

They hemmed and hawed:

The mother stood in her Prada shoes, leaned in over her oversized Gucci purse and told me that this raise would have a substantial effect on her and her husband's work lives. She also told me that other nannies had done a better job before me, for less.

I told her that those women didn't know their value.

They huffed and puffed:

The father told me it felt like I was putting a gun to their heads.

Their words were nothing more than weak power play.
I refused to be intimidated. I stayed true to my value, and GOT THE RAISE!

Have you been through anything like this? What's your story? How have you had to, or learned to assert yourself for fair compensation? How has this improved the quality of your life? 

Even better, tell me who has empowered you?

Thanks for reading, make good choices! :)

Small Things With Great Love

I have been struggling lately.  I've had writers writers block.  There is so much I want to share, and yet the words refuse to dance out of my fingertips when the keyboard is beneath them.  I have incredible goals and hopes for my future, but my doubts and fears make a point to balance out the scale.  Yesterday I was feeling particularly lost, emotional, and generally "blah,"  so I made an impromtue visit to acupuncture.  I felt much better afterward, and even better after teaching yoga.  

One of my favorite parts of teaching yoga is the freedom we have to share positive, and thought provoking quotes.  Above is one quote I shared yesterday.  I like to encourage my students to practice with love, compassion, and patience toward themselves and others in the classroom.  I sometimes invite my students to practice with awareness  and care for each and every movement they make in class.  This is also beneficial in life.  

As we move through life with great care and awareness, we're destined for forward movement.  

My second favorite part of class is during our deep relaxation sequence, we practice setting and repeating intentions for ourselves.  Even when I teach the class, I take that moment to repeat my intentions for myself three times, in simple, present tense language, and with conviction.    

We're only supposed to chose one intention, but that doesn't bring the calm and successful future on fast enough for me.   So I always choose three.  For the past month, at least twice a day, I have been repeating to myself:

"I am strong.  I am successful.  I am love.  

I am strong.  I am successful.  I am love.

 I am strong.  I am successful.  I am love."

This is a small exercise, but practiced with great love and genuine intention, it (I) can change my whole life.  

How do you feed yourself in rough times?  Do you practice setting positive intention?  I'm excited about my future successes, and I'm excited about my current journey.  It is a beautiful life, after all.  

Thanks for reading, make good choices.  :)

29 Things I Learned In My 20's

I turn thirty in two days, so I know a bunch of things now.  Enjoy :)

1.) All bloggers must use their birthdays to tell the world everything they know.  It's in the fine print when you buy a domain name I think.  The list will end with an arbitrary number, because it has to.  That was a basically three things all rolled into one number, this is going to be a doozie.  Make sure you're sitting down.

2.) Children know things.  They just do.  It's amazing.  A three year old once said to me, "Wait, if the Dad doesn't put the baby into the Mommy's belly button, there must be some kind of secret entrance!"

3.) I am ever changing, and ever growing.  Just because I've been doing things a certain way, doesn't mean I have to keep doing things that way.  

4.) Choices are either made out of love, or out of fear.  I try my darndest to make my choices out of love for myself, for others, for the world, and for my passions.

5.) I am what I do.  I am a yogi because I practice yoga.  I am salsa dancer because I dance salsa.  I am a writer because I write.  I am healthy because I check in with my body.  I become better and better at these things as I continue my practice.

6.) Everyone lives in their own sense of reality.  Some people were raised to fill the ice tray after every use, others were taught to fill it when it's empty.  Always assume the other person means no harm, explain your normal, and ask if they can humor you.

7.) My voice is worthy of being heard.  My message isn't for everyone, but it is for the people who are meant to find it.  When I was a kid, I always feared my voice wouldn't work during ice-breaker games on the first day of school.  I would start clearing my throat long before my turn, hoping I would sound confident when the time came to say my name.  Lost in a household with six other kids, I didn't feel heard.  I didn't know my voice mattered.  The universe has given me similar obstacles/opportunities to assert myself ever since.  I'm great at speaking up now. :)

8.) Some days it's easy to love myself.  Some days it's harder.  Everyday matters, there's always beauty in the journey. 

9.) People want to connect and be loved.  Being present and kind wherever I go has a tremendous effect on others.  Everyone you encounter deserves kindness.

10.) I have a friend who always asks me if I just need talk, or if I want an opinion.  I always want her opinion, but the fact that she asks has been a valuable lesson to me.  When I remember (not often enough), I ask before spouting off my genius.

11.) Genuine apologies can span an ocean.  Literally.  Two of my closest friends are women I once hated.  One rival lasted about ten years!  One day, she stepped forward and apologized.  We talked about the past, and bonded over our current passions.  We've been encouraging, and growing with each other ever since even though we're separated by the mighty Pacific!

12.) Forgiveness is priceless.  I would be missing out if I hadn't let those two women back in my life.

13.) I've learned to listen more carefully to my intuition.  I've kicked myself time and time again at the end of a bad experience, thinking, "I knew things would turn out this way."  I make a habit of continuously tuning into my intuition and really listening to it now.   I often say, "let me swallow that information and see how it settles in my stomach."

14.) It's best to try not to kiss anyone at a dance club.

15.) People really do come into your life for a reason.  Some friendships are forever, and some are just for a season.  All friendships have beautiful purpose.  I frequently weigh in with myself regarding relationships, "how does this person make me feel?  What am I learning from this experience?"

16.) If I meet people with authenticity, they get to decide if they are really drawn to me, and I get to decide if I am really drawn to them.  Two people bringing their truest selves to the table, are a powerful force of love, encouragement, and inspiration.

17.) Friendships are my bread.  To be truly known and truly appreciated is quite possible the greatest gift in life.  I know some of the coolest people out there.  I am lucky.

18.) Rollerblades are meant for short skirts and Celine Dion interpretive dance shows.

19.) The path that seemingly everyone else chooses, is likely not my path.  When I was a child, my siblings and I would hack trails using wooden swords in the forest behind our neighborhood.  We would stay out all day eating huckleberries and clovers.  I was disappointed as an adult when I found that most hiking trails are predetermined and even well kept.  For the best and for the worst, this is a sound metaphor for my adult life.  I am creating a path that only my heart knows, and my heart knows I'm on the right path.

20.) If you're intoxicated and your stomach feels upset, puke.  Do it sooner than later.  I saved myself from the full dose of a roofie because I knew something was wrong inside.  (Full story coming at some point.)  I was saved by my intuition and inner strength.

21.) Similarly, if you might be hungover, always puke before you eat.  This will save you the hassle of being sick all day.  Aside from these two life hacks, I do not approve of puking.  It's awful.

22.) I am more likely to be an improvement to the company of others, if I put my needs and self care first.  If I don't eat/eat poorly, don't run or practice yoga, or I don't make time to be alone, I am not my best self.

23.) Just because something doesn't hurt you right away, doesn't mean it's good for you.  This goes for food, relationships, thought patterns, and habits.  I cannot tell you how many people have, and continue to tell me that my food sensitivities are in my head.  Many of my symptoms are not evident to anyone but me; breakouts, next day swollen throat, fever, bloating, etc…  Longer term my sensitivities drastically reduce my athletic abilities, mental clarity, and the quality of my intestinal flora.

24.) Misery really does love company.  If someone is bringing you down, you can bet they're pretty low.  Don't take it personally, be nice, and if you can/need to, GTFO.

25.) Never lend anything you aren't willing to lose.

26.) There is not a formula for a perfect, happy, and healthy life.  Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something.  Didn't my sweet Wesley say something like that?

27.) Practicing gratitude daily, and manifesting positive intentions is a great place to start.

28.) I have strong positive intentions for Joseph Gordon Levitt.

29.) No matter what, everything always works out.  It's best to just do whatever makes your heart feel most alive.

What have you learned so far?  Share your story in the comments!

Thanks for reading, make good choices! :)

Judge Less, Appreciate More. Online Dating #4

I've recently told you why I started online dating, about my first online date, and how online dating has given me more self confidence. Dating is exhausting, especially if you're an introvert like myself. It's also really fun if you appreciate the human condition, as I do.

I suffer from the human condition, and I've more than once realized that I was the annoying, weirdo that some poor chap got stuck across a table from for a few hours. 

These were actually great experiences in hind site, because I was able to look back on opposite scenarios with more compassion. Just because a guy didn't have an "on night," doesn't mean he's a total loser. We likely just didn't connect well.

Or he didn't get enough sleep.

Or he had too much coffee.

Or he had too much on his plate to properly ground himself for a good conversation.

Or we simply weren't meant to fall madly in love, save the world, and make an army of Waldorf babies. 

Only a small percentage of men in this world (or island that I reside upon), qualify to seek my good favor as a personal prince charming/cabana boy.

The shocker is that I might not meet their expectations or desires. This means that dating needs to be an open minded endeavor with a goal to have fun, great conversations, and a willingness to change and grow.

I've learned to judge less:

Nobody is perfect. Life is hard, really hard. Everyone has struggle, everyone wonders if they're "doing it right."

Why do we go on dates with an expectation to be impressed? As if we have it all together and this random person should present themselves as a successful and happy go lucky virgin to the woes of the world? Dates should be about showing up as yourself. If you don't feel safe dropping your peacock feathers, or are put off when someone is too honest, consider what makes you so uncomfortable with authenticity.

The staged production of reality television and the age of social media has us all so busy marketing ourselves that we don't feel comfortable simply being, or allowing others to simply be.

When we're comfortable with ourselves, and striving to grow, we'll naturally reveal ourselves slowly and continuously, just as that old onion metaphor goes.

I've learned to appreciate people more.

When you remove expectations from the first few dates beyond conversation, and being in the moment, you remove the need to judge. You get to have a conversation with someone different than yourself, and possibly different than your entire social circle. Someone who may have an entirely different sense of reality.

This may not be what I'm looking for romantically, but in life, I love mixing things up! Talking to new people is good for you. You learn new perspectives, you learn about different reading material, you learn about different hobbies; you get new ideas. 

Judging less and appreciating more, has made me a more content and comfortable person.

Can you identify?  Tell me how you've learned to judge less and appreciate more!

Thanks for reading, make great choices. :)

What I Learned From Online Dating #3

The novelty of a larger dating pool right at my fingertips gave me more perspective. Through the ups and downs of sharing a table with strangers, I learned my incredible value. Despite the message threading our culture; if you're single, there's something wrong with you. Let me give you some examples of how this message shows up in typical conversations:

1. "Stop looking so hard, he'll be right around the corner." - Who are you to say that I am looking too hard, and what does that even mean? Because...
2. Maybe you don't put yourself out there enough - Really? I talk to strangers!
3. Focus on yourself, you'll find him when you're ready. - I AM THE MOST NARCISSISTIC PERSON I KNOW! I'm sort of kidding. Really though, this advice implies that all I do with my time is man hunt. I actually have loads of hobbies, and resent the implication that I don't already take great care of myself because I'm too distracted scoping out hotties I'm not good enough for.
4. "You're too picky." - Choosing a life partner is not an REI purchase. I can't just take him back no questions asked, if it turns out he's not a great baby daddy after all. Also I don't think too picky pertains to my list of non negotiables:
   1. Mutual sexual attraction.
   2. Mutual intellectual attraction. 
   3. Mutual appreciation and respect.

Okay, you get the point by now... People (especially people in relationships of any duration) feel like they should say something about singleness. There's actually not much to say about it.

It just is. 

It is possible and even likely that many single people are healthy, rational, fun, and intelligent. These cultural fallback messages are not productive as they perpetuate the lie that falling in love makes a person more whole.

Thanks for reading, make good choices! :)

Related articles: 

Why I Started Online Dating

My First Match Dot Omm

Let's connect, tell me your story in the comments section!

Strawberries & Coconut Cream

Feel free to add ingredients to your own tongue's burning desires.  The end result is a rich coconutty, caramelly flavor that will surely slay the faint of heart.  Best to keep it all for your strong self. ;)

Let me know how you like it and what you serve it with.  I usually enjoy berries and cream, but i'm sure this taste has a great many combinations to call home.

Thanks for reading, make good choices! :)

My First Match Dot Omm

My first online date was from a paid member site.  I assumed that paying members were more serious daters. Observation has shown this to be a likelier truth for the over forty crowd.  I read through all my "matches" within a few days. There were just a few men whose faces, demeanors, and profiles I found compelling. I exchanged several emails over the course of a few weeks with one of these men. 

He wasn't my normal type, but I was looking to expand on my sense of normal anyway.

Our emails were full of life, and comedy.  He was a successful architect, intelligent, and silly. I figured we'd easily be friends.  We met at the Living Room Theater in Portland, for drinks, pupus, and and painfully awkward conversation.  His physical presence lacked the life that had caught my attention in his writing.

We had no chemistry, and had used up all the safe first date dialogue in our emails. Two hours of polite exchange fell on my shoulders to carry, and close.

He asked me out again. I was really busy.

Writing, if you're good at it, can be a powerful display of energy and intelligence.  When it comes to dating, it's best to keep written conversation to a minimum to avoid a false sense of chemistry, or familiarity.  

All you really need is a handshake, eye contact, and a 30 second introduction to know if you're physically, intellectually, and energetically attracted.

If you don't already practice that habit, start.  When you meet someone, ask yourself internally how you feel about them.  Get to know them through one short, or many conversations. Look back on what your gut told you initially.  Did your intuition already tell you what took months to play out?  This is a practical tool for all relationships.

Chemistry is important. Not having it doesn't make either party inferior in any way. There was nothing wrong with this man, we simply didn't give, or have any energy for each other.

I don't think we talk enough about chemistry in our culture.  When I hear about dates where there wasn't chemistry, the stories are often filled with shallow criticism, "he was so boring!"  "She didn't have depth."  "He was gross."  "He held his fork wrong."  "She talked too much."  Yada yada...

The truth is we are all gross, and shallow, and talk too much, and are absorbed in the stupid reality of our own mundane lives.

If there's chemistry, all that stuff is as beautiful and interesting to the other person, as it is to ourselves. 

In the next few posts, I'll be covering more of what I've learned from online dating, dating, and why I'm relying solely on face to face romantic happenstance from here on out.

Thanks for reading, make good choices! :)

Why I Started Online Dating

I was 24 and had never

had a boyfriend when

I decided to try online dating.

I've always been pretty enough, and relatively sweet, but was never the girl that guys chased. When I was a teen, I figured that things would change when I escaped the small town I grew up in.  I had high standards (so I thought).  I was waiting for the perfect Christian man.

I immersed myself in a huge church with plenty of college-agers. In the five years I attended, only one man asked me out. We had a few fun dates before the unthinkable occurred: We walked into a book store so I could show him a health reference book regarding a question he'd asked me. I found the section, and handed the book over.  He handed it back and asked me to read to him. I did, but the section was lengthy and I was tired of reading aloud, so I passed the book back to him. That's when he told me that he doesn't read. I was dumbfounded. I suddenly got really hot, almost feverish, and felt claustrophobic next to him, as he explained that he's never read a book cover to cover.  

I realized that this wasn't a cute love story. It was a story about a boy who was too dumb to know that this girl was way too wild for him.

(I'm posting in total confidence that non-readers are not reading this, and therefore are not completely insulted.)

I had spent my whole life believing that I should be a certain kind of girl, meet, and fall in love with a certain kind of man. I began to see that I was never that kind of girl, and that those kinds of men found me to be "too much."

I have an untamed spirit. I believe I belong wherever I am. I ask questions. I am always learning. I am passionate, determined, and unamused by status quo.

I decided not to turn down men based on shallow judgements anymore. I always complained that guys wouldn't ask me out, actually this is something that many women complain about. I decided that I would encourage men to be brave.

A first date is no biggie, so why treat it like one? I made up my mind to accept a first date from any guy (within reason) who had the cojones to ask me out. I also joined a few online dating sites. My attitude changed from: "a man has to be A, B, C, and D, to get my attention," to, "I'm going to learn about men."

I have hundreds of thousands of great dating stories ranging from dangerous, to dead boring, to adventurous, to exciting, and even to romantic. In my next few posts I'll tell you why online dating was one of the best choices I've made to date, and why after five years, I've officially thrown in my cyber-cupid towel.

SPOILER ALERT:
Dating with an open mind has made me kinder, more confident, and way more interesting. :)

9 Ways to Make Your Skin More Cozy

Do you ever feel trapped by your body? Do you feel lethargic, cloudy, bloated, or weak? Do you feel inhibited by what your body can't do?

I sometimes feel like my mind is going a thousand miles an hour and my body can't keep up. Often times my brain can't even keep track of the thought directions I want to go. I wish I knew everything. I wish I was one of those people who always nails everything on the head. Instead, I usually feel like a blubbering fool... and I sneakily use google in almost every non face to face conversation I can.

Most of my best friends are successful overachievers. I've watched time and time again as they panic before every important deadline. Have they done enough? Will their efforts be enough? Did they get it right? My friends are stupid brilliant, and yes, they always get it right. They usually win awards, and kick ass titles.

My point is that those people who I see "nailing it on the head" all the time, don't feel like they are nailing on the head.

Deep down they know they can do it, and they do it.

What about the rest of us? When we're paralyzed by fear, anxiety, low energy, or health problems, where do we start? Here are nine places to start:

1. Learn to be comfortable with what your body and mind is capable of right now. Know that every day is different. Some days you're a powerhouse, some days you're a collapsed shanty.
2. Exercise. Whatever kind you're drawn to. Do it because it's fun and makes you feel good, not because you want to be different.
3. Get acupuncture. Sometimes my insides feel like loud static on T.V. If you struggle with anxiety or depression, try acupuncture. Nothing makes me feel more at home in my skin than acupuncture does.
4. Learn to release anxiety. When your thoughts are going in negative circles, take a deep breath and say out loud, "I am releasing this problem (name it) because it does not belong to me." Then call to mind all you're thankful for.
5. Encourage yourself. Say out loud, "I am full of life. I am healthy. I am successful. I am thankful for all that I have."
6. Celebrate every small victory. Give yourself attaboys, and meet up with a close friend who supports your goals, and is proud of your efforts.
7. Consider how many live nutrients are in your diet. Pay attention to how you feel after a green smoothie.
8. Consider how much of your diet is void of life or nutrients. Pay attention to how you feel after fast food.
9. Know that it is okay to rest. Life is hard. When you need to, rest, eat chocolate, drink a case of wine, and cry. Probably the hangover will have you wishing you felt as good as you did before the drunk emotional breakdown. You can only go up from the bottom!  Drink something green and smile, because you just pressed the up arrow.

Life is what we make of it, and every day we have to start somewhere.

Thanks for reading, make good choices. :)

Everyone Is Just Trying To Have A Good Day

I was strolling through the park a few months ago when I saw a woman booty shaking like crazy.  She was dressed eccentrically, and had her headphones connected to a walkman.  Yes, you read that right.  So much about this woman was odd.  In my head I was wondering if she's mentally ill, homeless, on drugs, etc…  I was wondering about her story, and assuming that hers was a negative circumstance.  Then it hit me.  Actually she looked really happy, and I had a furrowed brow.  

She was dancing, and I was judging.

I caught myself.  I realized that if I had the guts, I'd be dancing in the park on a beautiful day too.

I was walking through the same park yesterday with a friend.  She noticed a man flailing his arms, and made a joke about our present company.  We looked closer and realized that his movements, though awkward, were more of a methodical swinging than flail.  I remembered the woman dancing a few months ago, and I said out loud, 

"everyone is just trying to have a good day."

I don't remember where I picked this up, but I've taken to repeating it to myself when I get judgy.  Life is hard.  Bodies age.  We all wake up with some degree of stiffness, pain, sadness, and hardship.  Movement, however awkward is a perfectly productive activity to engage in.   Good on them!

Everyone is just trying to have a good day.  I try to bring this into every scenario:

The person answering your customer service call in India.

The person at the fast food drive through.  (please stop eating there).

The person taking care of your children.

Your boss.

Your employees.

Your mother.

Your son.

The person driving under the speed limit when you're running late.

The person washing your car.

The person waiting on your table.

When people treat you unfairly or without warmth, it's safe to imagine that their day isn't going very well.  They are just trying to make it to that blissful moment when their head hits the pillow and for what feels like seconds, they aren't responsible for anything.

We can't change the actions of others but we can change our responses.  When we have an opportunity to make someone's day brighter, let's take it.  Take a deep breath, tip well, be encouraging, give more compliments, tell more jokes, and make people smile.

Thanks for reading, make good choices! :)

Why Sugar Is The Devil

 

Gastroesophageal Refux Disease (GERD), and other indigestion problems have snuck into our sense of normal, and hydrochloric acid (stomach acid) has earned a bad reputation. 

According to antacid marketing, your own stomach acid is to blame for your discomfort.  This notion couldn't be farther from the truth!  Stomach acid is a vital part of maintaining good health.  By squelching it, you are actually prolonging the underlying issue and making yourself susceptible to larger health concerns.

If stomach acid is not to blame, what is the underlying issue?  Hear this:  

stagnant, rotten food is the culprit! 

The majority of our population is regularly consuming excessive refined carbohydrates, and poorly sourced fats and proteins.  Our body produces stomach acid at 0.8 on the PH scale (almost completely acid).  Our stomach is designed to withstand an acid environment of approximately 1.5-3.0.  

The goal of the stomach is to manually and chemically break down food before it enters the small intestine.  This is where things can get complicated. 

• Digestion is a delicate balancing act where your body uses many levels of hormonal, and intracellular communication.  
• When you chew your food properly, a hormone in your saliva  communicates to your stomach that food is on the way and to prepare accordingly, with stomach acid. 
• When food (now called chyme) is churned in the stomach juices, the PH changes. 
• Thus, communicating to the small intestine to secrete mucous containing hormones for further breakdown. 
• This is where fats, proteins and carbohydrates start going different directions.  

Imagine now, that you're rushing calories down the hatch between meetings, or on the way to the gym.  You have now halted digestion at the beginning stage.   By rushing, you're not giving your body a chance to recognize that stomach acid is necessary.  On top of that, imagine that the meal contains simple carbohydrates.  This would raise the stomach PH to a neutral level before your body has communicated with the small intestine.  What happens now?  

Nothing. 

Your food stays put, eventually putrefying, causing gasses to travel up the esophagus with a burning sensation.  This is when many people reach for antacids.  Antacids are neutralizers.  They probably help the uncomfortable feeling in the moment, but they are not cultivating the necessary stomach acid to move things along.

If food is not successfully making it past the stomach and into the intestines, the breakdown into nutrients doesn't occur.  We are living in a wealthy, excessive, and malnourished society.

Let's choose nutrient dense food.  Let's be in the moment while we eat.  Let's make our poops proud.
 

Life's Invitations

My social media feeds are littered with "13 Tips," "21 Reasons," and "The 7 Most Important Ways" to be any and every way different than I am now.  

I despise these lists.   They are redundant, and they imply that the writer has something figured out that the rest of us don't.  I just read a touching article about how to get over heart break.  In the final paragraph, I learned that the author's said romance was three weeks long.  Heart break?  Are you kidding me?  That changed everything.  Either the blogger was desperate for something dramatic to write about, or emotionally unstable.  Neither option is worth my time.

 
What am I getting at?  In this age of information, I am a sucker for learning and growing.  I crave relevant truth.  Truth doesn't have to ensnare you with a catchy and dramatic title.  Truth can be a few simple words that hit the bottom of your stomach.  You may not know when they found you, but they'll stick around until you're ready to process them.

 
Ten years ago, a conversational whim inspired me to experiment with my diet.

 
I didn't read any lists about how and why to give up dairy.  I just did.

 
Why did I do it?  In the words of the late Paul Harvey, I was "sick and tired of being sick and tired."  I was craving change.

I didn't know that the choice to experiment with cutting one food group out of my diet would awaken health, passion, and the purpose of my spirit.  All I knew was that I wanted to feel better, and that cutting dairy might help with my hay fever symptoms.  

This relevant truth was directed at a group, but I heard the personal invitation loud and clear.  

 
We are inundated with information on a daily basis telling us how to become happier, bigger, smaller, faster, stronger, louder, prettier, and wealthier.  Sometimes I feel like my life is too loud to hear the invitations that are for me.  

If we slow down our search for ways to be MORE, or BETTER, and instead focus on just being ourselves, our personal relevant truths will bubble up to the surface.

Tell me about a defining moment in your life.  Do you love where your life is at?  Are on the edge of change? Was there a specific event or gut feeling that put you in a certain direction?

luscious lips will make you extra desirable!

Thanks for reading, make good choices. :)